The Three Things I Want Hayden Panettiere To Do Post.

1. Get on Twitter, in common with other favourites of mine Hilary Duff, Jessica Alba and Cindy Crawford (although I'm not on it myself); with so many fake Haydens it's time the real thing was there.

2. Return to series television, which has so far been more fruitful for her than the big screen (although I'd be thrilled if she did do well in cinema). Working for HBO or some other cable channel would be nice as well.

3. The third thing is venturing into seriously personal territory, but you can probably guess...

The Put Up Or Shut Up Post.

It's way past time I posted more here. So this is me deciding to put up something, anything, for a whole week to try and get back in the swing of things.

To get the ball rolling I'll have a look at what's happening around here. It's 5:36 as I write this sentence, SkyLivingLoves has a repeat of Lipstick Jungle (oh dear) and I've had my first cup of tea of the day. No diversions into health issues because that's too self-indulgent for anything like this, plus I don't really want to.

What I want to do is a) pretend that I really liked Rise of the Planet of the Apes (which wouldn't be true), b) gather up copies of Nuts and Zoo and burn them (environmentally unfriendly, and very expensive), and c) write a lengthy post about how smoking hot Kate Upton is (something several zillion others have already done).

So... on to the next.

The Aw, Crap Post.

Stephen J. Cannell left us at 69. Melanoma complications, it seems... and it might be kind of timely that it happened the same year as the not universally well-received film of The A-Team, which at the time of writing I still haven't seen. (What he thought of it, I have no idea.)

Honestly, this is a bummer... once again, I find myself not really knowing what to say. So, I'll just say "thanks." Thanks for The A-Team, and The Rockford Files, and Riptide, and Wiseguy, and Profit, and Renegade, and Top Of The Hill, and...

Just - thanks, Stephen. You'll be missed.

The To Complete Or Not To Complete? Post.

While wondering if Brenda "Hang on, let me just get out my soapbox" Hampton has noticed that teen TV shows have moved on significantly since the 1950s (this is in response to The Secret Life Of The American Teenager starting tonight on MTV in the UK. You heard me, MTV. Although that said, at least it's more enticing than, well, all their other shows), on to the subject of this post.

Sequel soundtracks.

And more to the point, owning them.

What brought it up was adding soundtrack info to the Wiki entry for Die Hard With A Vengeance the other day; I've got a CD-R dub of the OOP Varese Sarabande CD Club release of Michael Kamen's score for the first one, which'll be welcome until I can get an actual copy of the album (ha!), and I've got a cassette of Kamen's Die Hard 2. But I don't have the soundtrack for the third film and I haven't got Marco Beltrami's CD for Live Free Or Die Hard yet; I've got all three Howard Shore albums for The Lord of the Rings AND the expanded ones (thanks, Zeta!), and I've got the Jerry Goldsmith Rambo soundtracks (and their expanded ones) and am open to the one from Brian Tyler. But... but I don't know whether or not to get the other two Die Hards.

On the one hand, I'd like to complete the set. On the other hand, in addition to the movie having had a lot of music from Die Hard 2 tracked in (sadly, it's not the only time a sequel's had a predecessor's music put in - see also Rambo III and the two Spider-man sequels), the Die Hard With A Vengeance soundtrack has been complained about for a) leaving off lots of good material (which I can certainly believe based on previous Kamen albums), b) giving up far too much space to rap music and classical covers, and c) not including "When Johnny Comes Marching Home." So... I'm stuck.

Of course, I'll probably get it just to complete the set. Eventually. And now to post this and get back to The Secret Life Of The American Teenager. Thank goodness the girls are cute.

The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post.

Oooh, I love this time of year, when the networks announce their new shows with the LA Screenings coming up, and we get an idea of what new US shows will be on the cable and terrestrial channels's shopping lists. At least there are more (and more interesting sounding) shows than last year's crop (The Mentalist? Go away), and since someone else came up with the acronym SAOR (Shallow And Obvious Reasons) but I came up with Alttiere I'll stick with that. (The Alttiere Factor is about whether or not there are attractive ladies in the cast - named in honour of Jessica Alba and Hayden Panettiere.)

As ever, we're not including unscripted shows, series switching homes (Medium is moving from NBC to CBS), or cable shows (but we should, perhaps, note the demise of Battlestar Galactica, Kyle XY, The L Word, The Shield, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, The Emperor's New School and Stargate Atlantis).





This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Rosanna Arquette.

ABC
Copper
From The Good Folks At: Thump, Inc. and E1 Entertainment.
What's It About? It's "a youthful, heartfelt, one-hour, character-driven workplace drama about five rookie cops plunged into the high stakes world of big city policing - a world where even the smallest mistake can have life-or-death consequences." Ah, so it's The Rookies of our day.
Wil I Check It Out? No idea.
Alttiere Factor: No idea.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not something I'd bet on.

Cougar Town
From The Good Folks At: Doozer, Coquette Productions and ABC Studios.
What's It About? A woman in her 40s who gets in a relationship with a - duh-duh-DUHHHHH! - younger man. Friends once did an episode where Monica basically committed statutory rape; this is now spun out to a whole series. It even has Courteney Cox-Arquette!
Will I Check It Out? Apart from the episode with Courteney's sister-in-law up there, I couldn't be bothered with her last series Dirt. The same may apply here.
Alttiere Factor: From Courteney, not much. But Busy Philipps is another story!
Chances Of Being In The UK: Very good. Fiver, Five US, Living and the ilk.

The Deep End
From The Good Folks At: Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? Well, they could have called it The Young Lawyers, but another show got there first in the 1970s.
Will I Check It Out? Unlikely.
Alttiere Factor: Leah Pipes and Tina Majorino are capable of floating the odd boat.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not out of the question.

Eastwick
From The Good Folks At: Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? It's The Witches Of Eastwick: The TV Show, with Paul "Benton Fraser" Gross as a much more plausible attractive devil than Jack Nicholson. Presumably Veronica Cartwright won't be playing the character she played in the movie (you know, the one who got killed).
Will I Check It Out? I might. It can't be worse than the book, and it might be better than the movie.
Alttiere Factor: Lindsay Price, Sara Rue, and Rebecca freaking Romijn. Well played.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Good.

Flash Forward
From The Good Folks At: ABC Studios.
What's It About? Everyone in the world gets a vision of the future in 21 years. What happens next?
Will I Check It Out? It's certainly an intriguing idea. If only the last TV series to involve Brannon Braga and David S. Goyer hadn't been the boring-as-all-hell Threshold...
Alttiere Factor: The only name that leaps out is Sonya Walger, but that's enough.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Extremely good.

The Forgotten
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Jerry Bruckheimer Television and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A group of amateur detectives who specialise in not only finding out who killed people, but also who the victims are. It's also about Jerry Bruckheimer trying to expand his TV success to other nets (he has yet to have a hit show on an American network not called CBS).
Will I Check It Out? I think I will.
Alttiere Factor: Michelle Dessler lives! One of the detectives is foxy Reiko Aylesworth, so I'm sold.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Detective show, Bruckheimer... I'd say it'll get a home.

Hank
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., McMonkey Inc., Grammnet Productions, Werner Entertainment and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A Wall Street bigshot whose career falls apart, and has to go back to his hometown and family. With hilarious consequences.
Will I Check It Out? That last sentence might be for real, with a crew of sitcom veterans (Kelsey Grammer as Hank, James Burrows, Everybody Loves Raymond veteran Tucker Cawley). Then again...
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent, it has to be said.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Between Grammer's involvement and Comedy Central and Channel 4, not bad.

Happy Town
From The Good Folks At: ABC Studios.
What's It About? Seven years after a small town was plagued by kidnappings, another crime affects the place...
Will I Check it Out? I'm not entirely sure about that, Scott Rosenberg's involvement notwithstanding. Alttiere Factor: Amy Acker means the Joss Whedon fans are sold. (Although it means she won't be on Dollhouse any more.)
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not out of the question.

The Middle
From The Good Folks At: Konk, Inc. and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A middle-class wife/mother/car salesman in the middle of America. So not one for the edgy crowd.
Will I Check It Out? Unlikely...
Alttiere Factor: Creators Deann Heline and Eileen Heisler previously had Jennifer Finnigan in Committed. This one has Patricia Heaton. Not trading up.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Doesn't immediately say "Buy me," but Living...

Modern Family
From The Good Folks At: Levitan/Lloyd Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A sitcom shot documentary-style focusing on three different families. From sitcom veterans Christopher Lloyd (not that one) and Steven Levitan...
Will I Check It Out? ...so quite possibly yes.
Alttiere Factor: One of the families features Julie Bowen, another one features Sofia Vergara... result.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This sounds like it'll get a home.

V
From The Good Folks At: HDFilms and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? It's a new version of Kenneth Johnson's alien-invasion miniseries. Expect terms like "dark" to be flung about with regularity.
Will I Check It Out? Yes. I don't expect it to have the same impact as Diana's guinea pig swallowing or (in the Johnson-less sequel) Robin's C-section, but I hope it'll top the later regular series.
Alttiere Factor: Morena Baccarin, Lourdes Benedicto, Elizabeth Mitchell, Laura Vandervoort... plenty there for the straight guys and lesbians, which is what this post is interested in. Just deal.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This WILL come to the UK. Sky and Virgin1 (and possibly ITV's digital channels) are airing their chequebooks as we speak.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Elisabeth Harnois.

CBS
Accidentally on Purpose
From The Good Folks At: BermanBraun and CBS Television Studios (the new name for CBS Paramount Television).
What's It About? A film critic who becomes a single mum after a one night stand.
Will I Check It Out? Probably not.
Alttiere Factor: Jenna Elfman and Ashley Jensen. Not for me.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: It might happen.

The Bridge
From The Good Folks At: E1 Entertainment, 990 Multi Media Entertainment Company, Jonsworth Productions, the CTV Television Network (yep, it's another US/Canadian venture) and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A cop who becomes the head of the police union.
Will I Check It Out? I've been not making time for cop shows lately, so...
Alttiere Factor: Inga Cadranel and Theresa Joy are new to me. Ona Grauer, less so. Not sure.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: If Flashpoint is any indication, good.

The Good Wife
From The Good Folks At: Scott Free Productions and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? The wife of a district attorney who goes to prison, and who therefore has to return to work as a lawyer.
Will I Check It Out? Not out of the question. But not many people watched the last time Julianna Margulies played a lawyer (Canterbury's Law).
Alttiere Factor: With her and Christine Baranski, not high. If only Makenzie Vega was a year older.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Dunno. But never discount the involvement of Ridley and Tony Scott. Or David Zucker.

Miami Trauma
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions, Jerry Bruckeimer Television and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? Trauma surgeons in Miami - it does exactly what it says on the tin. Written by Jeffrey Lieber, who wrote the original pilot script for Lost before J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof got their mitts on it.
Will I Check It Out? I just might, you know.
Alttiere Factor: High - not only Elisabeth Harnois (so beautiful I endured Point Pleasant far longer than I otherwise would have) but also Lana Parrilla (welcome back after Boomtown).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: High. Medical shows sell well.

NCIS: Los Angeles
From The Good Folks At: CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A spinoff of NCIS (which in turn is a spinoff of JAG), it's about a Navy SEAL who works for NCIS in, well, Los Angeles.
Will I Check It Out? Um, no.
Alttiere Factor: Louise Lombard do you? UPDATE: Since this was posted, Louise is out and Linda Hunt is in (not the first time in this television universe that a key female player's been replaced by someone significantly less sexy - Andrea Parker played Harm's partner in the JAG pilot, but in the series she got replaced first by Tracey Needham and then by Catherine Bell).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: NCIS is a reliable performer for both FX and Five. This'll come over.

Three Rivers
From The Good Folks At: Deuce Three Productions and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? It's a medical show, focusing on organ transplants from all angles.
Will I Check It Out? I may or may not. Probably not.
Alttiere Factor: Katherine Moennig and Justina Machado make up for Alfre Woodard (replacing Julia Ormond).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Don't count it out.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Monica Bellucci.

CW
The Beautiful Life
From The Good Folks At: Katalyst Films, CBS Television Studios and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? Young up-and-coming models in New York and their ups and downs. Mostly downs. Shepherded by Ashton Kutcher.
Will I Check It Out? I probably will, but will this succeed where Models Inc. and Paper Dolls failed?
Alttiere Factor: High - Sara Paxton, Mischa Barton, Ashley Madekwe, and Elle Macpherson. The Elle Macpherson.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Guaranteed. E4 or Living, I bet.

Melrose Place
From The Good Folks At: CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? Having updated 90210, the spinoff gets the same treatment.
Will I Check It Out? No. I had no time for the original and I have no time for any redo.
Alttiere Factor: On the one hand, there's Jessica Lucas, Katie Cassidy and Josie Bissett (one of several returnees from the original). On the other hand, there's Stephanie Jacobsen and Ashlee Simpson. The Ashlee Simpson. So the pilots with her and Mischa Barton sold but those with Amanda Bynes and Hilary Duff didn't? I protest.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Likely to.

Parental Discretion Advised
From The Good Folks At: Mojo Films, CBS Television Studios and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A teenage girl wants to get emancipated from the parents she never knew, but winds up in their temporart joint custody.
Will I Check It Out? I may do, if it shows up over here.
Alttiere Factor: The mom in this scenario is Shiri Appleby, making a welcome return to television.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not great - it doesn't sound like something they'll be keen on.

The Vampire Diaries
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Alloy Entertainment, Warner Bros. Television and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A teenage girl is the apex of a love triangle between two brothers - one's good and one's evil, one's a vampire and one's, er, a vampire. From the people beind Gossip Girl, and Kevin Williamson.
Will I Check It Out? Yes. Even though it was clearly greenlighted after Twilight.
Alttiere Factor: Although Nina Dobrev is a new name to me, shows like this usually remember to have decent eye candy for both sexes.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: I bet it does.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Laetitia Casta.

FOX
Brothers
From The Good Folks At: Impact Zone Productions, Tantamount and Sony Pictures Television.
What's It About? A retired footballer who goes back home, reuniting with his brother whose football career ended after a car accident (played by Daryl "Chill" Mitchell from Galaxy Quest and Veronica's Closet, who really is confined to wheelchairs now).
Will I Check it Out? Mitchell Hurwitz (Arrested Development) and Don Reo (Blossom, My Wife And Kids) are involved, so yes.
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent. (CCH Pounder? Leave off.)
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Dunno.

The Cleveland Show
From The Good Folks At: Fuzzy Door Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? Cleveland gets his own show and moves from Rhode Island (and Family Guy) to Virginia. This was supposed to start last season, by the way.
Will I Check It Out? I might do.
Alttiere Factor: If this was live-action, it wouldn't do badly in this department. But Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long are voice-only, this being a cartoon and all...
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Very good. FX and BBC3 have done well with both Family Guy and American Dad!

Glee
From The Good Folks At: Ryan Murphy Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A high school teacher's bid to restore the prior glory of his school's glee club.
Will I Check It Out? From Ryan Murphy, who gave us Popular and Nip/Tuck. So that's a yes.
Alttiere Factor: Jayma Mays and Jessalyn Gilsig... I am so there.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: I sure hope so; this sounds just the thing for me. Or Hallmark. Or Channel 4.

Human Target
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Wonderland Sound & Vision, DC Comics and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A private detective/bodyguard who impersonates his clients to protect them.
Will I Check It Out? Despite the fact that the pilot's directed by Simon West, yes.
Alttiere Factor: No idea yet, but when has a series based on a comic book not had anyone fanciable? (Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane notwithstanding.)
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Excellent. Even Birds Of Prey made it to UK screens.

Past Life
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc. and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A series about two investigators who delve into mysteries the key to which lies in clients'... well, the title and the source (MJ Rose's novel The Reincarnationist) should fill you in.
Will I Check It Out? I might.
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent. West Wing/Australian Soap Factor is closer (Richard Schiff and Nicholas Bishop respectively).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not massive. But you never know.

Sons of Tucson
From The Good Folks At: J2TV/J2 Pictures (pick one!) and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A fellow who has to pretend to be the dad of three brothers when their real dad goes to prison. Executive produced by Justin "Reese from Malcolm in the Middle" Berfield, who should know the territory.
Will I Check It Out? To be honest, maybe not.
Alttiere Factor: It's all up to you, Natalie Martinez.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: If it does well for Fox, Sky here it comes.

This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Hayden Panettiere.

NBC
100 Questions
From The Good Folks At: Tagline Television and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? A woman looking for her Mr. Right who joins an online dating site, which requires her to answer 100 questions on the compatibility test.
Will I Check It Out? Anything with a built-in target is living on borrowed time, so no.
Alttiere Factor: Sophie Winkleman looks cute.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Anything with a UK link seems to get bought, so...

Community
From The Good Folks At: Krasnoff/Foster Entertainment, Harmonious Claptrap, Russo Brothers, Universal Media Studios and Sony Pictures Television.
What's It About? A lawyer who's been disbarred forms a college study group made up of misfits (aren't they all) and learn about... yep, themselves.
Will I Check It Out? The Russo brothers of Arrested Development fame plus Joel McHale of The Soup equals "Yes." Chevy Chase is not a factor.
Alttiere Factor: IMDb indicates Gillian Jacobs and Alison Brie are cute.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not bad, I'd say.

Day One
From The Good Folks At: Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? It's after a massive global catastrophe, focusing on a small group of survivors.
Will I Check It Out? As long as it's not the next Jericho, yes. The involvement of Jesse Alexander (Heroes, Lost, Alias) is encouraging...
Alttiere Factor: ...as is the presence of Julie Gonzalo (Veronica Mars) and Carly Pope (Popular).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This has Sky One, Virgin 1, BBC2 or Sci-Fi written all over it.

Mercy
From The Good Folks At: BermanBraun and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? A medical drama seen from the nurses' point of view. "Unique," it says here - Angels, Nurses and Nightingales apparently don't count.
Will I Check It Out? Yes...
Alttiere Factor: ...because one of said nurses is Michelle Trachtenberg.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: See Miami Trauma.

Parenthood
From The Good Folks At: Imagine Television and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? The second TV series based on the hit movie of the same name focusing on the joys and pains of a family filled with parents.
Will I Check It Out? It has a fine pedigree both behind the cameras (Jason Katims, Thomas Schlamme, Ron Howard) and in front (Bonnie Bedelia, Peter Krause, Craig T. Nelson et al), so yes.
Alttiere Factor: Erika Christensen, Sarah Ramos, Maura Tierney, Monica Potter... not bad going, really.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Hallmark, or More4. Maybe even Channel 4.

Trauma
From The Good Folks At: Film 44 and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? Paramedics in action. Basically, Emergency! for the noughties (so it'll probably get more viewers than the same suppliers' Friday Night Lights). Not to be confused with Miami Trauma.
Will I Check It Out? Um.... yes.
Alttiere Factor: Not entirely sure about Aimee Garcia and Anastasia Griffith, but in this case it might not matter.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Could well find a home.

In Memory Of:

According To Jim
American Gladiators
Boston Legal
The Chopping Block
Crusoe
Cupid
Deal Or No Deal (network version)
Dirty Sexy Money
Do Not Disturb
Eleventh Hour
Eli Stone
ER
Everybody Hates Chris
The Ex-List
The Game
Harper's Island
In The Motherhood
Kath & Kim
King Of The Hill
Kings
Knight Rider
Last Comic Standing
Life
Life On Mars
Lipstick Jungle
MADtv
My Name Is Earl
My Own Worst Enemy
Prison Break
Privileged
Pushing Daisies
Reaper
Samantha Who?
Sit Down, Shut Up
Stylista
Surviving Suburbia
Swingtown
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Unusuals
The Unit
Valentine
Without A Trace
Worst Week
(Shows in italics have aired, or are due to be aired, in the UK.)

And Hilary Duff's pilot Barely Legal. We could have had Hilary Duff every week in a David E. Kelley show, people...

The Only On The Disney Channel Post.

I'm not a fan of Wizards Of Waverly Place - Selena Gomez is no Melissa Joan Hart (and certainly no Elizabeth Montgomery), and the show's not a patch on other tween-aimed shows like Hannah Montana and iCarly. Plus its theme song hurts my ears. But I'll have to tune in when "Fashion Week" premieres - whenever the Disney Channel UK gets around it - because it's got Cindy guest starring in her first sitcom appearance since... eurgh... According To Jim. Just Jared Jr. for the whole thing, and check out the pictures.

And props to Cindy for not playing herself! (I know she's cast as a famous model, but still...)

The 90210 Review Post.

Lacrosse? LACROSSE?!? Piss off.

The Pushing Daisies RIP Post.

And Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money (although I never watch the former and I'm fairly ambivalent about the latter). This sucks as much as Kristin Dos Santos is attractive. And she's very attractive.

The SAOR Guide To The New US Shows III: Back In Training Post.

Partly because of that accursed writers' strike, the upfronts haven't been as flashy as previous years, and to be honest most of the shows coming along (with the exception of one network) haven't really fired my interest. But does that mean no posting of my completely irrelevant and inaccurate views? No chance. This year's rundown to the new shows - apart from the reality ones, natch (and shows swapping networks, like Scrubs and WWE Smackdown! - and their chances of arriving on British screens is brought to you by the stars of last year's undoubted winner in the SAOR newcomers' stakes, Gossip Girl. (Apologies for the presence of Penn Badgley.)

ABC
The Goode Family
About: A family that defines "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Will I Watch It? I'm not a great admirer of Mike Judge's King of the Hill, and the title is a groaner. So maybe not.
Altierre Factor: This does not apply to cartoons. Usually.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Pretty good based on Judge's past record. But I can't see it on terrestrial.

Life On Mars
About: A cop who following an accident finds himself in the '70s.
Will I Watch It? I didn't watch the original version, so no.
Altierre Factor: Rachelle Lefèvre and Stephanie Jacobsen are not my ideas of ugly.
Chances Of Being In The UK? After Fitz (aka Cracker) and especially what's invariably billed in listings mags as The Office: An American Workplace, not the impossibility it might have been.

CBS
Eleventh Hour
About: A fellow who's called in to investigate scientific problems at the... you guessed it. From Jerry Bruckheimer.
Will I Watch It: See Life On Mars. Plus the executive producers include the folks behind Brimstone, which doesn't help.
Altierre Factor: Only Marley Shelton, so not really feeling it.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Since the original show didn't work too well, and since all Jerry Bruckheimer's previous shows have turned up over here, maybe.

The Ex List
About: A woman on a search to find her soulmate who she's already met without knowing it. Based on a hit Israeli show.
Will I Watch It? With Veronica Mars graduate Diane Ruggiero on board, maybe.
Altierre Factor: It's not out of the question that some may be drawn to Elizabeth Reaser and Rachel Boston.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Hallmark? Living? Fiver?

Harper's Island
About: A group of friends on an island in danger from a killer. Yes, that's a premise for a whole series.
Will I Watch It? No. Limited-sounding launching pad aside, it's from Jon Turteltaub. I'm not going through Jericho Syndrome again.
Altierre Factor: No idea.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Reunion and Runaway came over, so...

The Mentalist
About: A brilliant and unconventional detective. Aren't they all?
Will I Watch It? Well, I do watch Monk when I can, and occasionally the odd part of Psych.
Altierre Factor: Robin Tunney and Amanda Righetti. So not bad.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Possibilities - BBC2, ITV's digital channels, Hallmark...

Project Gary
About: A divorced dad getting back in the game.
Will I Watch It?: Well, Jay Mohr plays Gary so it could be worth a look.
Altierre Factor: Paula Marshall is the ex. But with her on board... well, with her record...
Chances Of Being In The UK? Don't know.

Worst Week
About: A man who wants to get in good with his girlfriend's family but can't quite do it.
Will I Watch It? See Life On Mars.
Altierre Factor: Not thrilled with Erinn Hayes.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Maybe not.

The CW
90210
About: The classic zip code getting revisited with a new family.
Will I Watch It? Maybe the pilot, and a few more. Dunno.
Altierre Factor: CW shows usually have at least a few reasons in this department, starting with Jennie "Kelly Taylor" Garth being back on board as a link to the original show.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Trouble? Living? Maybe even Sky One (which aired the original, as did ITV... which almost certainly won't show this)?

Surviving The Filthy Rich
About: A young woman having to tutor filthy rich kids. Hence the title.
Will I Watch It? Maybe, maybe not.
Altierre Factor: Joanna Garcia.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Not sure. E4 maybe? They sop up US shows.

FOX
The Cleveland Show
About: Cleveland from Family Guy getting his own show.
Will I Watch It? Unlikely.
Altierre Factor: Be serious.
Chances Of Being In The UK? FX?

Dollhouse
About: People sent on assignments with their personalities wiped clean afterwards. Or are they...?
Will I Watch It? It's Joss Whedon's return to television and no sacrifice of Jessica Alba is involved, so yes.
Altierre Factor: Eliza Freaking Dushku!
Chances Of Being In The UK? Guaranteed. Sky One or Virgin 1. Or maybe Sci-Fi. Even BBC2 can't be ruled out.

Do Not Disturb
About: The shenanigans behind the scenes at a successful hotel.
Will I Watch It? Arrested Development's Abraham Higginbotham scripted the pilot, and Jerry O'Connell's always likeable.
Altierre Factor: Not immediately apparent.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Better than chances of boring comparisons to Fawlty Towers not being made if it is.

Fringe
About: FBI agents searching for the solutions to weird mysteries (cue complaints from fans of The X Files, right?).
Will I Watch It? Despite the extremely mixed track record of Roberto Orci, ALex Kurtzman and J.J. Abrams, yes.
Altierre Factor: Anna Torv is certainly more promising in that department than Joshua Jackson.
Chances Of Being In The UK? Very good. Even after What About Brian and Six Degrees.

Sit Down, Shut Up
About: The bitter-and-twisted staff of a school. Animated version of a live-action Australian show...
Will I Watch It? ...from numerous Arrested Development alumni.
Altierre Factor: See The Cleveland Show and Do Not Disturb.
Chances Of Being In The UK? I think it'll turn up.

NBC
Crusoe
About: Man gets shipwrecked, spends years pining for his wife, meets fellow he calls Friday.
Will I Watch It? "Part MacGyver, part Cast Away, part Pirates of the Caribbean," eh? As long as the latter doesn't have the biggest part.
Altierre Factor: Not entirely sure about Anna Walton (Crusoe's wife).
Chances Of Being In The UK: I believe it is definitely going to be shown here, since it's part UK-backed anyway.

Kath & Kim
About: A mother and daughter who clash a lot. Based on the hit Australian sitcom...
Will I Watch It? ...which I don't watch and don't plan to. Ever.
Altierre Factor: There are those who pine for Selma Blair (who plays Kim) and even Molly Shannon (Kath).
Chances Of Being In The UK: Could go either way. The original show's been on here, so...

Kings
About: A soldier caught up in a battle between good and evil.
Will I Watch It? It certainly sounds interesting, though with the director of Constantine (ugh) and I Am Legend (better) on board it probably won't catch fire at once. The presence of Heroes alumni Michael Green helps.
Altierre Factor: Allison Miller (the king's daughter) and Susanna Thompson (Once and Again, The Book of Daniel) bear investigation. The latter also suggests worthiness for the right reasons.
Chances Of Being In The UK: The presence of Ian McShane certainly helps.

Knight Rider
About: NBC hopefully having the next Battlestar Galactica rather than the next Bionic Woman.
Will I Watch It? Yes. It can't be worse than Team Knight Rider or that Knight Rider 2000 TV movie, even if they replaced Will Arnett with Val Kilmer as the voice of KITT.
Altierre Factor: Sydney Tamiia Poitier is always hot. This will not change here.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Excellent.

The Listener
About: A paramedic who can read minds. Hello, high concept.
Will I Watch It? Maybe.
Altierre Factor: No idea as yet.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Hallmark, maybe?

Merlin
About: Merlin and King Arthur in their younger days in a revisioning of the legend. For some reason this brings up images of Young Hercules and that recent version of Robin Hood...
Will I Watch It? ...and therefore makes this a very strong "Not entirely sure veering on no."
Altierre Factor: Angel Coulby and Katie McGrath. Not bad.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Definitely airing on BBC1 Saturday evenings.

My Own Worst Enemy
About: Christian Slater finding he has a secret identity as a walking weapon.
Will I Watch It? Will anyone watch it? It sounds interesting, but it's scheduled after Heroes - and that slot has yet to do any favours for any show on at that time (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Journeyman, and so on).
Altierre Factor: Saffron Burrows alert.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not out of the question.

The Office Spinoff
About: A spinoff of The Office.
Will I Watch It? No.
Altierre Factor: No idea.
Chances Of Being In The UK: See above.

The Philanthropist
About: "A renegade billionaire who uses his wealth, connections and power to help people in need." As you do.
Will I Watch It? Maybe. It does sound up my alley.
Altierre Factor: TBC.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Quite possible. Maybe even Five.

In memory of: 1 vs. 100, Amne$ia, Anchorwoman, Aliens in America, Back to You*, Beauty and the Geek*, Big Shots, Bionic Woman*, Cane*, Canterbury's Law, Carpoolers, Cashmere Mafia (Darren Star strikes out again!), Cavemen, Clash of the Choirs, Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, CW Now, Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, Girlfriends*, Here Come the Newlyweds, Jericho* (for good this time), Journeyman*, Just for Laughs, K-Ville*, Kid Nation, Las Vegas*, Life Is Wild, Men in Trees*, Miss/Guided, Moonlight*, My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad, Nashville, New Amsterdam, Next Great American Band, Notes From the Underbelly, October Road, Online Nation, Oprah's Big Give, Phenomenon, Power Of 10, Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious*, quarterlife, The Return of Jezebel James, Secret Talents of the Stars, Shark*, The Singing Bee, Unhitched, Viva Laughlin*, Welcome to the Captain, Women's Murder Club.

* = Shown, or due to be shown, in the UK.

The Sound And Vision Post.

Yesterday I booked my ticket for Lalo Schifrin's concert at the Barbican in April (my first film music concert in a while), and this morning it popped through the letterbox. Now that is what I call service! I'll be there, and I might even try to take along my copy of Kelly's Heroes to be signed afterwards... then again, I never did it for John Williams, Jerry Goldsmith (either time) or Howard Shore, so maybe I won't. (More chance of George W. Bush doing or saying something that drives the dollar down against the pound (again), thus making that eight-disc set of Superman music comparatively more affordable.)

Moving on to music I can't get thrilled about, I caught Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles in Virgin 1's repeat on Friday (the sound cut out on Thursday's first run, dammit) and Bear McCreary's score goes ideally with Brad Fiedel's for the first two movies. That wasn't a compliment. As for the show itself, I'll have to watch again when fully alert for a more clear opinion; but I do think that Lena Headey isn't quite Linda Hamilton. Brooke Burke's long-lost sister aka Summer Glau, on the other hand, is a vast improvement on Kristanna Loken as far as Terminatrixes go...

The Book Post.

Season Finale: The Unexpected Rise And Fall Of The WB And UPN is the tale of, well, the rise and fall of the WB and UPN, paving the way for the CW and the hatred of Everwood fans everywhere. Expect me to talk about it more when I get a copy, but in the meantime read a review here.

Expect to hear a lot about Charmed, wrestling, Joss Whedon and 7th Heaven. Expect no explanation for the existence of The Wayans Bros. Or the Wayans bros.

This has been a production of The Cindy Spot.

In the US, Rihanna has finally been knocked off the number one spot (good work, Butch!). Over here she's still at the top, so it'll probably continue raining... but there's still things to make you smile in this world, like Agent Provocateur chucking Kate Moss in the bin and hiring the genuinely sexy Maggie Gyllenhaal instead. And production company logos.

Sharon's gotten into Everybody Loves Raymond (which isn't true for UK audiences generally, boom-tish!) thanks to Paramount Comedy, and I mentioned that I heard the Where's Lunch bit at the end only reused one meal in all nine seasons of the show. Shaz doesn't notice these things even though she watches it a lot more than I do, but then I love end credits. And company logos. And the names of companies. To get more self-indulgent, and because American TV shows are great for this kind of thing, here are ten of my favourites, with a load more listed here:

1. Tit 4 Tat Productions. The wonderfully-monickered company of Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (I know she goes by Tiffani Thiessen now, but still).
2. Chuck Lorre Productions. Not for the name, but for the op-ed pieces he gives us at the end of Dharma & Greg and Two And A Half Men.
3. Kari's Logo Here. Have yet to see a single episode of The New Adventures of Old Christine (it's shown on UKTV Gold despite being neither old nor British), but any company name that tweaks the whole vanity logo concept is fine with me.
4. Vanity Logo Productions (as seen on Camp Wilder and one of Lauren Graham's several pre-Gilmore girls flops, Townies). See above.
5. McNamara Paper Products, Inc. Featuring a paper plane and the motto "We Make Scripts, So You Don't Have To," and seen after Vengeance Unlimited and Fastlane. A witty little logo.
6. Once Upon A Time Films. No better way to end a TV movie than to have a child switch off a set.
7. Stephen J. Cannell Productions. Because he got in the logo.
8. Bankable Productions. Tyra's voluptuous profile being locked in a bank vault.
9. Worldwide Pants Incorporated. DAAAAAAAVIIIIIIID LETTERMANNN!!!!
10. Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions. A perfect match for Gilmore girls.

"Goodnight, Mr. Walters..."

The new "Heroes" theme song (what, it has one?).

Dallas. Starsky and Hutch. Hart to Hart. Knots Landing. What do these shows all have in common? No, not "They're all shit"; they all had their theme songs changed for French broadcasts, not always for the better (well, not for the better; I would not have thought anyone would think L'amour de risque (Hart to Hart) would be best served by a Gallic singer going "Jonathan 'art - whoaaaaa - Jennifer 'art..." but apparently someone did). To be fair it's not like English-speaking countries don't do that themselves, but there's usually a bid to make it work for the show - ask any British person of a certain age about White Horses for instance, or have a look at Secret Agent (aka Danger Man).

It happened with Prison Break on M6, with Ramin Djawadi's tense Emmy-nominated opening music changed to Faf Larage's "Pas le Temps" (a rap, I understand), and now it's happened with Heroes. TF1 (which will be screening the adventures of Claire, Niki, Hiro and the rest from June 30) arranged... well, read this translation from a French blogger:

Some months ago, Santi (artistic director of Music One, Tony Parker's label) proposed Victoria Petrosillo to record "Le Héros D'Un Autre", the French theme of the TV series Heroes, which will be aired from June 30 on... TF1.

The young singer accepted and the songs was proposed to NBC, producer of the American series. After many months, the final verdict was: NBC accepted the French theme! France will be the only country to have a different theme at the beginning and at the end of each episode. This single is also the first one of Victoria's upcoming album.

The problem is, many fans were disappointed by the song... Fabrice Sapolsky, from the magazine Comic Box, said that "The musical theme is not suitable for the audience, so TF1 is upset with the marketing of the channel for this series." Santi said that "The songs fits the series with a heroic sound"... According to him, "The audience will discover the song and those who loved will also love Heroes". Who is the artistic producer?

There's no doubt to copy the double-winner Prison Break/Faf Larage (500,000 copies sold for the French theme "Pas le temps"). (chartsinfrance.net)

On the upside, I'm not keen on these incredibly short openings that are all the rage nowadays (Lost, that means you) - and Victoria's song is more accessible to a wider audience than the atmospheric little piece Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman did. On the downside, there's nothing really WRONG with what's there now; and the song is sort of like the theme tune from ALF i.e not bad in its own right but doesn't actually go with the show - it's not like it's opening Roswell or Tru Calling. But check it out on Victoria's MySpace and decide for yourself. (And what's this about Nissan sponsoring a Heroes music video for season 2...?)

John from Cincinnati - or Welcome back, Dylan Sanders.

One of the greatest TV shows in history has come to an end. But enough about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, on to The Sopranos - specifically, the show HBO premiered around the time David Chase's creation finally ended (to no real tears from this corner; the series never truly had me as a fan, thanks to my not really warming to anyone in it - Six Feet Under is the real HBO masterwork from my point of view). John from Cincinnati is a show about a surfer dude, it says here, from Deadwood's David Milch... Deadwood being another show that suffered from a lack of engagement on my part. But soft! HBO very kindly lets folks who aren't in the US see the first episode online (even though it's a sure bet this'll turn up in the UK, as most HBO shows do... well, the dramas anyway), and for some reason Luke Perry's in it.

More interestingly, so's Rebecca DeMornay. Rebecca "Risky Business" DeMornay. Rebecca "engineer in the best Cannon movie ever, Runaway Train" DeMornay. Rebecca "psycho nanny" DeMornay. Rebecca "still totally hot and killed off way too soon in Identity" DeMornay. But why is she cast as a grandmother? Way to remind me of my age... still, it is so good to have her back that I'll watch it for her. Regardless of potentially unlikeable characters.

Rules of Engagement

Having checked this out on Paramount Comedy, I think this show stays on the air for one or more of the following reasons:

1. People hoping that Adam Sandler will show up since this is made by Happy Madison Productions.

2. Folks hoping Patrick Warburton and David Spade will recapture that Emperor's New Groove chemistry.

3. Guys who've been waiting for another chance to drool over Bianca Kajlich and/or Megyn Price ever since the mercy killings of Rock Me Baby and Grounded For Life. (Marla Sokoloff > Bianca > Megyn - and you know, Big Day's been chopped now...)

4. Because it's incredibly witty and funny and original... no, that was a joke.

For some true entertainment, my Cindy in Venice and below in the best part of The Simian Line.

Weekend again.

So what's on my mind?

Well...

1. My boss. A definite case of the more I dislike someone the more I want to engage in rough, angry sex with them (see also C. Aguilera, J. Jackson, N. Campbell, A. Lavigne, E. Cetera). Weird.

2. "How To Stop An Exploding Man." And thus ends Heroes Volume One, the first time I've watched an entire season online before it gets to broadcast UK television, digital or terrestrial. And damn, it was worth it... not only has it managed to fill the Buffy the Vampire Slayer-shaped hole in my life that Charmed, Desperate Housewives and Lost never quite managed (keeping me going from week to week, thinking about it between episodes etc), but if you've seen the illustration you'll know where I'm taking this. Too bad about the Sci-Fi Channel losing first-run rights to Volume Two to the BBC (bigger reach, but they had it first...). And to everyone moaning about the finale; a) he couldn't fly away because he was too busy trying to keep from exploding, b) the guy isn't dead, and c) it's called putting characters ahead of flash. August 1 on BBC2, apparently.

3. The ComicCon has had its dates changed, so I have to readjust my holiday (brought forward a week). Better that than a cancellation.

4. Bridge to Terabithia. Probably a better book than movie. But a good movie. (Too bad about the trailer for Are We Done Yet? however.)

5. Yay for Sharon for getting a break from AOL! She was going to transfer from them but they cut her a deal because she's such a good customer. Now ease up her burden on other things as well, fate.

We could be together for a while.

In talking about the new US shows in general and Life Is Wild (the US Wild At Heart) in particular, I said with regards to its Alttiere Factor, quote, "Unless Tiffany Mulheron is smoking hot, I doubt it."

I stand corrected.

The Cindy Spot presents My Own Personal Guide to the New US Shows II: The Next Day

Ah, the upfronts. My favourite part of the TV year, when we find out which shows are likely to be up for grabs at the LA Screenings and MIPCOM (or maybe not - they're likely to tread more carefully after last year, when all the major UK buyers got burnt to some degree; ITV was going to give Six Degrees the flagship channel treatment, the BBC snapped up, er 3 LBS., Channel 4 couldn't wait to take Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Five went for Vanished and Sky took Standoff. To compound this, they all passed on Heroes the first time around... though to be fair, BBC2 came to their senses later on, C4 did take Ugly Betty and Brothers and Sisters and Five has Shark). What's coming up, whether or not I'll take a look, and the ever-important eye-candy points (hence the Alttiere Factor - named after Jessica Alba and Hayden Panettiere, the lures that got me into Dark Angel and Heroes respectively). No reality shows included, by the way. Especially for the CW.



NBC
Bionic Woman
Worth checking out? Well, I never much cared for the original show (I was a loyalist to The Six Million Dollar Man myself), but it sounds... watchable.
Alttiere Factor: Reasonable. Katee Sackhoff is no Grace Park, and Michelle Ryan sure as hell ain't no Jessica Alba, but neither are they Trinny and Susannah.
Chances of being in the UK: Extremely high. The casting of a graduate from one of the main soaps helps, plus the fact that Sky One is always after new SF shows - plus the fact that Sci-Fi will be wanting something to fit in alongside Heroes (the first thing to regularly tune me to the channel since She Spies ended)...

Chuck
Worth checking out? The premise of a spy with an enhanced brain is right up my alley, and McG already lured me in with Fastlane, The OC and the Charlie's Angels movies.
Alttiere Factor: Okay. Sarah Lancaster was cute on What About Brian.
Chances of being in the UK: Pretty good.

Journeyman
Worth checking out? Zap2it claims "there was a bit of a Life on Mars vibe to the trailer," but like most people, the moment I heard about this I thought Quantum Leap.
Alttiere Factor: Meh. Gretchen Egolf had to cope with Katherine Heigl and Emilie de Ravin when she was on Roswell and Kelly Hu when she was on Martial Law. Here she has to cope with Moon Bloodgood.
Chances of being in the UK: Could go either way.

Life
Worth checking out? Well, a cop coming back to the force after wrongful imprisonment doesn't spell long-lasting show. Plus it's from Rand Ravich, who still hasn't received the horsewhipping he should have gotten for The Astronaut's Wife.
Alttiere Factor: High. Sarah Shahi (illustrated)'s in it.
Chances of being in the UK: Good. ITV's digital channels love cop shows.

The IT Crowd
Worth checking out? A redo of the British show of the same name, so I have to skip such things on principle.
Alttiere Factor: Not good. Jessica St. Clair is cute, but...no.
Chances of being in the UK: Low. Then again UK channels show what is known over here as The Office: An American Workplace...

Lipstick Jungle
Worth checking out? Since I was never on board for Sex and the City, I may have to say no.
Alttiere Factor: Brooke Shields. Kim Raver. Lindsay Price. Not feeling it...
Chances of being in the UK? Bet on it. Sex and the City did not founder over here. Channel 4's probably the best bet.


ABC
Big Shots
Worth checking out? Four big executives into male bonding. Hmm. On the upside, Jon Harmon Feldman did okay with Tru Calling...
Alttiere Factor: ...which had Eliza Dushku. This has Jessica Collins from that show, Paige Turco and Nia Long. Not quite in the same league.
Chances of being in the UK: Not out of the question.

Carpoolers
Worth checking out? A bunch of white guys sitting around talking? In a car? Better be very funny. Still, Jerry O'Connell can be entertaining. Yes, he can.
Alttiere Factor: Low. I didn't fancy Faith Ford in Murphy Brown, Hope & Faith or Maggie Winters. Unlikely to happen here either.
Chances of being in the UK: Can't see anyone getting excited over it.

Cavemen
Worth checking out? The commercials this gimmick comedy launched from are unknown over here, but even without that foreknowledge it doesn't sound like something that can last. But then again...
Alttiere Factor: Not familiar enough with Kaitlin Doubleday and Stephanie Lemelin to judge.
Chances of being in the UK: Low, but with so many cable channels nothing should ever be ruled out.

Dirty Sexy Money
Worth checking out? Family secrets in high-powered lawyer firm with Peter Krause. Sounds interesting.
Alttiere Factor: Not high, more thanks to Samaire Armstrong than Zoe McLellan.
Chances of being in the UK: Pretty good.

Private Practice
Worth checking out? I don't watch Grey's Anatomy, so there's no chance of me being there for a spinoff. Plus I haven't forgiven producer Marti Noxon for Point Pleasant, Elisabeth Harnois notwithstanding.
Alttiere Factor: Low. Kate Walsh, Merrin Dungey and Amy Brenneman are not enough to atone for Taye Diggs being in it.
Chances of being in the UK: Bet on it. The original show has enough fans on LivingTV and Five.

Pushing Daisies
Worth checking out? The fantasy premise (a man can bring people back to life by touching them but they die again if he touches them again) sounds like something designed for me. Plus Bryan Fuller's behind it - anyone involved with Heroes and Dead Like Me gets a pass automatically.
Alttiere Factor: Pretty high, with Anna Friel and Kristin Chenoweth.
Chances of being in the UK: See Bionic Woman.

Sam I Am
Worth checking out? Amnesia is one of the oldest tricks in the book but it works better as the basis for standalone episodes than as the basis for entire shows (A Man Called Shenandoah, Coronet Blue, The Lazarus Man, John Doe... only Quantum Leap really pulled it off, and that was more time-travel). And as a comedy? But hey.
Alttiere Factor: High. Not only filled with lookers (Christina Applegate, Jennifer Esposito, Jean Smart, even Melissa McCarthy if you like that kind of thing) but they're all good value thespically. Too bad Barry Watson's in it though.
Chance of being in the UK: Paramount Comedy Channel may well come a-calling.

Women's Murder Club
Worth checking out? If I was more familiar with the works of James Patterson, I might be more excited. But it might come off.
Alttiere Factor: Laura Harris, Angie Harmon and Aubrey Dollar. They're all attractive, but... I'm not sure.
Chances of being in the UK: Excellent - there's always room for American 'tec shows on British TV. Always. Especially on the BBC's daytime schedules and on Hallmark.

Cashmere Mafia
Worth checking out? High-powered women in business in New York? At least it's not in the Sex and the City mold. I hope. That said, I'm not hopeful this'll be the hit Darren Star could really, really do with.
Alttiere Factor: Lucy Liu (illustrated). Enough said. (No offence to Frances O'Connor, Miranda Otto and Bonnie Somerville.)
Chance of being in the UK: Darren Star is like catnip to buyers.

Eli Stone
Worth checking out? A lawyer who thinks he's a prophet? Sounds unusual and intriguing. As long as Ken Olin's wife doesn't show up, I'm there.
Alttiere Factor: Sadly not high, thanks to Natasha Henstridge and Loretta Devine.
Chance of being in the UK: If they go for the "UK interest" thing (it stars Jonny Lee Miller - as did, er, Smith, the first show last year to be canned), quite good.

Miss/Guided
Worth checking out? Hmmmmm... not sure about this unpopular-student-turned-guidance-counselor thing. Depends on if my mind changes; if I'd seen Judy Greer on Arrested Development I'd be more definite.
Alttiere Factor: Not high on Brooke Burns.
Chance of being in the UK: Paramount or Living?




CBS
Big Bang Theory
Worth checking out? Geeky guys come under the wing of a beautiful woman? Wow, that's original. Then again, this is from Chuck Lorre so it might be amusing.
Alttiere Factor: Ooh yeah - the beautiful woman is Kaley Cuoco, pictured above. Kaley "8 Simple Rules" Cuoco. Kaley "Billie from the last season of Charmed" Cuoco. Kaley "Brandy and Mr. Whiskers" Cuoco. I am SO there.
Chance of being in the UK: I wouldn't rule it out.

Cane
Worth checking out? The story of a successful South Florida family's trials. With Jimmy Smits, Hector Elizondo and Rita Moreno, so the acting will not suck. Might be interesting.
Alttiere Factor: There are those who find Polly Walker and Alona Tal (last seen by me in Veronica Mars as the unfortunate Meg, because I don't watch Supernatural) hot. Okay.
Chance of being in the UK: If it's a big enough hit, maybe. And Polly's one of our own.

Moonlight
Worth checking out? Everybody who saw the premise about a tortured sensitive vampire detective and immediately thought either "Angel" or "Forever Knight", raise your hands...
Alttiere Factor: On the down side, it has Amber Valletta. On the upside, it has Shannon Lucio. So-so.
Chance of being in the UK: It'll come. Sooner or later, one way or another, it'll come.

Viva Laughlin
Worth checking out? Based on the BBC show Viva Blackpool (about a man wanting to open a casino, and lots of singing thrown into a bizarre-sounding pot), so that's one for me to avoid on principle...
Alttiere Factor: ...even if it does have Madchen Amick.
Chance of being in the UK: Since Hugh Jackman produces and appears occasionally, better than expected.

Swingtown
Worth checking out? Well, it's a '70s drama that isn't devoted to taking the piss...
Alttiere Factor: The only name that leaps out at me is Lana Parrilla, but after Boomtown that's more than enough to pass.
Chance of being in the UK: Depends. It does have a UK lead in Jack Davenport.



Fox
Back to You
Worth checking out? A news sitcom (traditionally shows set in newsrooms do better if they're comedies rather than dramas) with Kelsey Grammer as an anchor. Plus you get him and Fred Willard on the same show. Of course it's worth checking out!
Alttiere Factor: Patricia Heaton is not how I roll.
Chance of being in the UK: Extremely good.

K-Ville
Worth checking out? A cop show set in New Orleans post-Katrina does sound like something to check out. Even if it does star Anthony Anderson.
Alttiere Factor: To the delight of Evil, Simone Deveaux lives - Tawny Cypress goes from Heroes to this. So pretty good. (In a cheeky scheduling move, Fox has this on the fall schedule at 9pm on Mondays until 24 comes back. Heroes is on at the same time, for anyone reading this who doesn't know.)
Chance of being in the UK: This has FX written all over it. Or Five.

New Amsterdam
Worth checking out? Another show about an immortal hero (back and forth between the 17th century and the present). All together now - "I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings..." (With Lasse Hallstrom as producer, though, gore will likely be low.)
Alttiere Factor: Alexie Gilmore is cute, and Zuleikha Robinson has her admirers.
Chance of being in the UK: It could happen eventually. Hell, Queen of Swords is on UK TV now...

Canterbury's Law
Worth checking out? Julianna Margulies as an unconventional defense attorney (aren't they all on TV?). You pays your money... (Then again, Denis Leary's one of the producers.)
Alttiere Factor: See above.
Chance of being in the UK: It's hard to think of a lawyer show that hasn't turned up on British TV.

The Return of Jezebel James
Worth checking out? The words "Created by Amy Sherman-Palladino" mean it definitely is.
Alttiere Factor: I still haven't forgiven Parker Posey for annoying me in Blade: Trinity, but don't discount Lauren Ambrose. So good.
Chance of being in the UK: Trouble? The channel, not the degree of difficulty.

The Rules for Starting Over
Worth checking out? Oh joy, yet another sitcom about friends dating (granted they're in their 30s). Then again, you can never tell just from descriptions.
Alttiere Factor: No offence, Rashida Jones, but the Hottie From The Office slot has been filled by Jenna Fischer.
Chance of being in the UK: Hello, LivingTV.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Worth checking out? As long as it's closer to the first two Terminator movies than the last one.
Alttiere Factor: This will be my first exposure to Summer Glau (illustrated). Hope she lives up to what fans say. (If Lena Headey couldn't get me into 300, on the other hand...).
Chance of being in the UK: Excellent. I expect this to get a buyer at the LA Screenings for sure. And I expect that buyer to be Sky One.



CW
Aliens in America
Worth checking out? Two young boys united by not fitting in. Doesn't sound awful.
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent, frankly.
Chance of being in the UK: It might turn up on Nickelodeon or the like...

Gossip Girl
Worth checking out? A series involving a mysterious blogger who blabs about bad-behaved teens. I'm not a great fan of most gossip blogs, but yes.
Alttiere Factor: You bet. Not only does it have Leighton Meester (illustrated, and let's hope this hot little thing doesn't get killed off like when she was on 24 or be AWOL from several episodes like when she was on Surface), but the gifted and beautiful Kelly Rutherford is here as well - she's long overdue to be on a hit show, having already been on at least two good ones (The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. and Homefront... did you think I meant Threat Matrix and E-Ring? Please). The fact that the series is narrated by Veronica Mars herself, Kristen Bell, is the icing on the cake.
Chance of being in the UK: High. Channel 4 and E4 could use something to replace The OC.

Life is Wild
Worth checking out? Family dramas about people moving from the big country to the countryside or whatever are not my cup of tea to begin with. Especially if they involve animals. Add to this the whole "based on ITV's Wild At Heart" thing, and... but if it's up your street, go nuts.
Alttiere Factor: Unless Tiffany Mulheron is smoking hot, I doubt it.
Chance of being in the UK: On one of ITV's digital channels, probably.

Reaper
Worth checking out? A lad having to be the Devil's bounty hunter? Brimstone for laughs (with Kevin Smith as a producer). And I was never keen on Brimstone.
Alttiere Factor: Valarie Rae "Original Cindy from Dark Angel" Miller and Nikki Reed from The OC. Hmm.
Chance of being in the UK: Not too bad.

* = Shown (or due to be shown) in the UK.

In memory of: 3 LBS*, 7th Heaven*, 20 Good Years, According To Jim*, All Of Us*, Andy Barker PI, Armed & Famous, Big Day*, The Black Donnellys*, The Class*, Close To Home*, Crossing Jordan*, Day Break*, Drive, Extreme Makeover, George Lopez, Gilmore girls*, Grease: You're The One That I Want, The Great American Dream Vote, Happy Hour*, Help Me Help You*, Identity, In Case of Emergency, Jericho*, Justice*, Kidnapped*, The King of Queens*, The Knights of Prosperity, Nanny 911*, The Nine*, The OC*, Raines*, The Real Wedding Crashers, Reba, The Rich List, Rock Star, Runaway*, Standoff*, Show Me the Money, Six Degrees*, Smith*, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip*, Thank God You're Here, Trading Spouses, Vanished*, Veronica Mars*, The War At Home*, Waterfront (which managed to get cancelled without a single episode being shown!), The Wedding Bells, The Winner and What About Brian*.

Hey! Teacher! Leave those credits alone!

Being the kind of person who always stays in the cinema for the closing credits and who avoids movies on broadcast TV because of their fondness for lopping 'em off (especially ITV), this Charlie Brooker piece from The Guardian yesterday is right up my alley...

Pay attention. You're going to read this. Sit up. Concentrate on my words. This is important. Something terrible is about to happen.

I was first alerted by an email from reader Mark Liversidge, with the subject line A Cry For Help. In it, he complained about the BBC's new "end credit delivery policy", the effects of which will be seen on screen from June 4 onwards. There's a preview, complete with mocked-up screengrabs, at www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/credits/position.shtml - but in case you're not near a computer, or you're allergic to the internet, or (most likely) you think it all sounds a bit dull and couldn't be arsed, let me summarise neatly in 12 words: the BBC are about to ruin the ending of everything they show.

For several years now, end credits have been maltreated by all the networks; regularly squashed to one side, babbled and scribbled over, in a desperate bid to keep you watching, or sell you a spin-off DVD, or force you to visit a website. Why? Because you're not a "person" any more, bucko - you're a "content consumer", and the omni-powerful shit-committee that runs absolutely everything these days can't bear to leave you alone for a second. It has to keep prodding you and prodding you and prodding you, like a hog in a cage that has to be kept awake at all costs.

So credits are squashed and squeezed. Most viewers don't notice or care, but to spods like me, it's like watching a dog owner violently jerking their pet's lead in the street, shouting "hurry up" and booting its arse. It's not that I want to scan the credits and find out who's who: I just want to enjoy a small breathing space before the next programme. And listen to the theme tune without being yelled at.

Anyway, until now some programme makers have been able to find a way round the squeezing. I know this because I did it myself. On my BBC4 show Screenwipe, we deliberately fill our credits with jokes or footage or dialogue, partly because we're trying to make a show with at least a vague whiff of personality, but mainly because it stops "them" messing with it. But now, thanks to the new rules, we won't be able to do that any more when the show returns in the autumn.

Instead, "end credits should run over visually interesting graphics or live action but the content must not be editorially critical to the integrity of the programme or include speech... programme trails, solicits or helplines [within] end credits are no longer allowed."

Why? Because from now on they're going to cram the credits into a teeny box and fill the rest of your screen with squawking exhortations to stay tuned for Judge John Pissing Deed. Every. Single. Time.

That's it, at a stroke. No more enjoying the Doctor Who theme tune. No more '"You Have Been Watching". No more dramatic coda following the final credit. No more Pythonesque fun-with-mock-continuity. None of that. Instead, shows must slide into and over each other, turning the schedule into one big TV megamix; meaningless imagery gushing from a tap. Because they're terrified you might exhibit free will and turn over.

As ever, it's all the fault of people with charts and computers and expensive shirts and frail imaginations, of course; people who delight in proving beyond all doubt that old-fashioned credit sequences caused viewers to start flipping. And you can't argue with their figures, because numerically they're right. But aesthetically they're wrong. And aesthetics matter in a way that can't be detected in Microsoft Excel.

Slowly, surely, these bastards are wrecking the universe; turning everything into a gaudy festival of tactless shouting. Thanks to their meddling, I'm going to have to stand behind my own end credits, in a stamp-sized window, thronged with virtual hoardings, saluting them and their latest idiotic triumph.

Rub a little more shit on all our noses, world. That's the way. Thank you.

Random

At last, work's eased up a bit... Yahoo! kindly made the pilot for The Black Donnellys available online... I tried to watch it this morning but it's not available... the Bilson devotee wants the complete sets of The Lord of the Rings soundtracks as well... that Antonella person from American Idol doesn't remind me of Cindy; dream on... and I have nothing else to say.