Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Dear Sarah, Forget about a Christmas card this year. Yours, Victor.

It's been a whole heap o'trouble since the new people took over Ashurst. Space issues, wage issues, jobs being delayed, and Sarah (the woman who apparently is in charge) spending most of her time in Yorkshire or some such place.
Maybe if she and Lincoln (or as the production manager once put it, the fat cunt) were down here more often - like every day - they might get some idea. Especially with the courtyard; rubbish piling up because they're too cheap to get it collected weekly, cardboard taking up more space under the new recycling system than under the old (no more throwing it into a huge container that takes ages to fill up and is easy to negotiate around; no, they would much rather have them go into smaller containers that fill up quicker and mean they have to go into yorks, which take up even more space).
And where's this PC I've been promised for months, eh? We'd better get one hell of a bonus, that's all I'm saying.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Previously on listings:

To add to Cindy Crawford, Jessica Alba, Monica Bellucci, Hilary Duff, Mariah Carey, Gwen Stefani, Nicole Kidman, Laetitia Casta, Britney Spears and Rosanna Arquette...

Nicollette Sheridan. Hope the Housewife who reportedly is due for the chop isn't her.
Gwyneth Paltrow. Estee Lauder reminded me.
Jennifer Love Hewitt. Even though Patricia Arquette is better on Medium than JLH may well be on Ghost Whisperer (unlike Medium, it's not on in the UK yet), she is unquestionably hotter.
Liv Tyler. Even if she's been hiding since the Trilogy ended.
Shakira. Her performance at the MTV Music Video Awards is enough to get her here.
Jessica Biel. Not as good as t'other Jessica, but that ass is too delicious to ignore.
Paula Abdul. Still a fox.
Nicole Schertzinger from the Pussycat Dolls. Stickwither.
Lindsay Lohan. Would have been on the C-list, but after the AMAs...
Devon Aoki. For being the hottest person in Sin City not called guess who.

Due for consideration; everyone else in Sin City, Amanda Righetti, Kelly Monaco, Erica Campbell, Sophie Anderton, Lucy Pinder, and Famke Janssen (again)...

The next and last part.

"You're wanted by Mr. Herbert," the girl grinned at me.
It had to be bad news. The crawling little creep was every teacher's pet, and she never looked at anyone that way unless they were being called on the carpet. And I had been slipping a bit in a couple of classes; maybe he just wanted to give me a warning. That always worked.

My misplaced optimism vanished the minute I entered the headmaster's office. He was sitting behind his desk, tapping a large envelope, and giving me an expression that indicated I was not about to like what he was going to say.
"Young man, I'm not one to waste words," he said calmly, and upended the envelope. Out dropped a glossy magazine that I recognised immediately; one of the kind that had buff young men on the cover. There was what looked like a bookmark sticking out of it - he pointed to the mark.
Opening it, I saw a double-page spread of myself on my front, looking at the camera and smiling with my ass spread apart, letting the readers see everything as a climax for the preceding several pages. So Bradley had sold them...
"One of your classmates has a parent who reads that... material," Mr. Herbert said. "Apparently you've been making a habit of that around here."
I said nothing.

"I suppose your parents have no idea?"
I still said nothing. But it was true; they didn't. Or at least, I thought they didn't.

"You'll have to leave this school, of course," he continued.
I just nodded. I should have known this would happen sooner or later - this was a small place, and it was amazing that my secret reputation as the boy the other boys wanted hadn't come out before now. Maybe because I had been making shy overtures to girls, and getting turned down - making me look like yet another frustrated horndog.
I wasn't looking forward to the next few days. I didn't know who'd spilled the beans, and I didn't care. I just knew I had to get out of there.

* * * * * * * * * *

"So where are you going to go?" Terry asked me. "Thrown out of home, thrown out of school..."
"Oh, I've got somewhere to go," I said, smiling shyly. "Have a look." I handed him another magazine. "It was the last one I did around here before they found me out."
Terry looked inside, and his eyes widened. "Your first with another guy?"
"Yep. It was fun... and it wasn't all posed."
"You're turning into quite the slut, kid."
"But it's fun to be wanted," I admitted. "The editors said they keep getting letters wanting to see more of me, and I did get asked about..." I couldn't help smiling. "...about making a video."

"And are you going to do it? You go this way you won't get any action with girls..."
"Oh, I will. I want to be fully bi on screen."
"But have you ever fucked a girl in real life?"
I had to admit I hadn't.

That was four years ago, and to this day I still haven't... not yet. But I kept posing now that I was out of the island, and I've been busy in front of moving and still cameras ever since. And the fan mail keeps on a-coming; teenage boys saying they knew I was gay when they saw me, married men who say they think of me when they're fucking their wives, wives who think of me when they're with their husbands. And bi's who love how I don't mind sleeping with either sex on screen or in magazines. And letters from Bradley, who stayed behind (I never told them who took those first pics, and the magazines refused to rat him out - he gets 10% of what I get).

And letters from girls who think I'm wasted on men; they want to change me.
They're wasting their time... like I said before, if I make guys happy, that's fine with me.
Like JK here; I met him a couple of years ago - we've been friends for a while now. Last year we started seeing if friends could sleep with friends and still remain friends.
My friend's on his knees in front of me now... ohhhhhhhh.... mmmmm.... good boy.

My New Year's resolutions, 39 days early.

And actually made for once (I usually never do, but this time...)

1. To update this blog more often.
2. To pay my rent on time. Without cheques.
3. To write more, the way Kira's Slave is.
4. To go to the pictures twice a week, even if it means going to non-Cineworld cinemas and therefore actually having to pay rather than use my Unlimited card.
5. To buy a multi-region DVD player.
6. To get a phone put in.
7. To be a better person.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Cheers to Just Jared...

...who, by dint of posting them, gets a link just for that. :)

And moving on, the B-Team rethinking: Nicole Kidman gets in the A-list, not Jessica B. Also in the running for the next 20: at least one of the housewives of desperation (clue: not Felicity Huffman), most of the female cast of Sin City not called Jessica (or Jaime King - sorrry), Shakira, and Famke Janssen. Stay tuned.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Superman has returned.

Judging from the teaser trailer. And I know that's what they're supposed to do - but hell, after that imposter Dean Cain and Smallville, it's about time we had a Man of Steel that wasn't rethought for some generation.

Shame it won't be done with John Williams though, but John Ottman's better than nothing.

Of course, it's only temporary until I remember that I came thisclose to being evicted this weekend because of rent arrears. And that I wasted £3.95 on December Esquire (don't ask, KS. Just don't ask.)

And that the December Maxim hasn't turned up here yet. I really hope the latter is the cover it actually has.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Thank you, God.

A raise, double discs of Lost in Space and Silverado, and now this. I thought Christmas and my birthday were next month.

Note to Butch: You should have told me the second you found out.

Note to Borders and the rest: December Maxim. US edition, not UK. NOW.

Monday, November 14, 2005

A Garner fan writes...

...JenG is mine, ALL MINE!!! :)) ;->>

I've elected to"protect" her from my portion of last year's list (would've done so sooner, except I've been unable to write/message the last few days due to other commitments, business), along with Charlize Theron, Elle Macpherson, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Hurley, Scarlett Johansson, Maria Menounos, Salma Hayek, Josie Maran, Estella Warren,Kim Basinger, Lauren Graham, Uma Thurman, and Kate Winslet (everyone else is up for grabs, though; expect my list to look quite different this year)...

So it seems like you'll have to "settle" for the second-sexiest Jessica out there to fill your Top 10 (I'm still mulling over the last two spots for my part)... ;-))

Now, was the above written by
a) Butch Rosser,
b) Donald Rumsfeld,
c) MuffinMan,
or d) Jennifer Orangio? Answers on a postcard...

I reluctantly promote She Who Is Probably Very, Very Glad She Left 7th Heaven Now to the top 10, and turn to 11-20...

Friday, November 11, 2005

I'm going to get MuffinMan to post more if it kills me.

List-time again... I'm due to send MM my top picks for the past year, but rather than write to him I'll post them here, so's you can all watch it develop Before Your Very Eyes. First off, the upper reaches, the Top 10 for what the House of Mouse likes to call MMV:

Cindy Crawford. Well, duh.
Jessica Alba. More or less see above.
Monica Bellucci. Regardless of her actual age.
Hilary Duff. Even though she's been legal under various State laws in the US since 2003, this year I can finally include her without the Man of Muffins complaining.
Mariah Carey. Yes, still.
Gwen Stefani. No matter how hard I try.
Jennifer Garner. Even after Elektra.
Laetitia Casta. Also yes, still.
Britney Spears. Because I owe it to her.
Rosanna Arquette. Because she was my first. And she's still a dish.

Jessica Biel would unquestionably have made the Top 10 had Esquire not anointed her. But she'll be in the B-Team. MuffinMan, over to you...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

One step closer.

The tracklist for the Silverado soundtrack as released in 1985 on LP (first five tracks on side one):
1. Silverado Main Title (4:44)
2. The Getaway/Riding As One (4:26)
3. Ezra's Death (1:52)
4. The McKendrick Attack (1:36)
5. Augie Is Taken (2:36)
6. On To Silverado (6:22)
7. Augie's Rescue (3:00)
8. Goodbye, Cobb (2:04)
9. End Credits ("We'll Be Back") (4:20)

As issued on CD in 1993:

1. Silverado Main Title 4:47
2. To Turley 2:43
3. The Getaway / Riding As One 4:21
4. Ezra's Death 1:53
5. The McKendrick Attack 1:38
6. Augie Is Taken 2:36
7. On To Silverado 6:26
8. This Oughta Do 4:51
9. Augie's Rescue 6:36
10. Slick, Then McKendrick 4:03
11. Goodbye, Cobb 2:06
12. End Credits (We'll Be Back) 4:22

And now, as reissued this year:

CD One (48:03)
1. Main Title 4:46
2. Paden's Horse 1:33
3. Tyree & Turley 3:39
4. That Ain't Right 1:13
5. Paden's Hat 3:37
6. The Getaway/Riding As One 6:07
7. Den of Thieves 1:46
8. The Strongbox Rescue 1:53
9. On to Silverado 6:23
10. McKendrick's Men 1:24
11. Ezra's Death 1:52
12. An Understanding Boss 1:47
13. Party Crashers 1:37
14. Tyree and Paden 0:52
15. McKendrick's Brand 0:50
16. You're Empty, Mister/Emmet's Rescue 3:43
17. Behind the Church 1:15
18. Augie is Taken 2:36
CD Two (38:01)
1. Worried About the Dog 2:07
2. Prelude to a Battle 4:50
3. McKendrick Waits/The Stampede/Finishing at McKendrick's 8:24
4. Hide and Watch/Jake Gets Tyree/Then Slick, Then McKendrick 9:30
5. Goodbye, Cobb 2:05
6. We'll Be Back (End Credits) 4:22
Bonus Tracks
7. The Bradley Place 1:48
8. Jake Gets Tyree (Original Version) 2:15
9. The Silverado Waltz 2:03

One question for all of you all: with the Silverado soundtrack finally getting a complete release and bringing me a step closer to getting all the CDs I most want expanded actually expanded (someone do Back to the Future dammit!), any CDs that you'd fork out the cash for if they were equally expanded? Come on, there has to be something... we've all got our Holy Grails.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

She didn't.

He's helping her out. In a financial sense. Which she deserves.
So are others. Which is good.
But I will post the happiest blogging in all creation when Sharon finally kicks the BBC to the kerb.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hope she means it this time.

This weekend I spent some time with Sharon. Good woman, sensitive, caring, some weird taste in entertainment (she liked The Cat In The Hat. The abortion with Mike Myers, that is) but fine all round; she can be a bit of a jerk sometimes but that's family for you. Anyway, she told me that she wants to (drumroll)... finish it with the BBC. (That's the name I've decided to give her bf, since just thinking about his name makes me want to rip my own eyes out in rage; typing it would mean I'd be dead before I finished this post. And why "the BBC"? Because of their handling of Rome (too long to go into now; info , response and more company-line... er, response here), among other things.)
Anyway, Sharon's said such things about the BBC before, and it didn't come to anything. But hopefully she'll mean it this time, especially since it ties in to November 5th. For many people in the UK, the date signifies the unsuccessful attempt to blow up Parliament and the subsequent excuse for loads of fireworks and burnings of effigys of Guy Fawkes (one of the conspirators). For Sharon and the other members of the family, it'll always be the date she miscarried and lost Lena Rose (although she told me she feels it's actually on the Tuesday nearest that date, since it was on a Tuesday that it happened). Remember, remember the fifth of November indeed.
However, the BBC hasn't been the most thoughtful person ever about it - I admit it bothered me a bit a year or two ago, but I know she still has to feel it, and I know she'll always have something missing where her firstborn daughter should be. But for him to tell her she needs to get over it... especially since he was the child's father... you would think he, of all people, would not be so fucking insensitive.
I've always thought the BBC was unceasingly cuntish anyway, but this is a low. I really hope she does snap it off with him.

I really need to start watching Smallville.

Actually, no I don't. At least, not with the sound up.