But it was nice to see Radio 1's Edith Bowman as one of the folks from the world media reporting on the blue carpet (not red); sadly she never came down our way so I could compliment her on how the wind blew her dress into her bottom (or at least say hi). Also, I got here a lot earlier than last time so I got a good view, and also brought The Complete Mission: Impossible Dossier with me to pass most of the six hours until showtime. And it didn't rain at all this time... if I'd brought a chair, a camera, and ESP so I wouldn't have to be in front of a tosser who kept wanting to see Michael Chiklis (apparently he's a mate of his), it would have been perfect.
Anyway, cue the folks yelling for "IOAN!!!" (one woman behind me kept demanding a kiss - I doubt she got it), "CHRIS!!!" (in sunshades, like a good showoff) "TIM STORY!!!" "MICHAEL!!!!" and of course "JESSICAAAA!!!"
Ignore the dried-up jealous haters and whipped/tasteless men on certain blogs - the Alba is better-looking in real life than in pictures; I just want to lick her from head to toe, I do. And I also want to thank the fellow on the carpet who, following the first round of signings before Jessica went to talk to the folks from GMTV, TVE, Entertainment Tonight etc., noticed my urgent calls for her to come over to my part of the crowd and escorted her over to us as soon as she was finished (he's the man next to her in the picture underneath)! Top man, sir.
Jessica's signature is now on my copy of the Fantastic Four score CD booklet (thanks to the organizers for playing some of John Ottman's sequel score over the speakers - much more welcome than the gymnasts), and by now you're asking if I managed to touch her like last time. Well, I did try... and missed her, in the words of Maxwell Smart, by that much.
But I did manage to say something to her this time around (a simple thank you), and I didn't pick up what she said... but she noticed my gesture. And for a few brief seconds, we were looking at each other. (Yes, it is sad. I don't care.) And she smiled at me!
The bloke with her definitely seemed to understand where I was coming from, which helped. But the thing is, Jessica Alba smiled at me! And having that dusky-coloured vision with almond eyes smiling at you is the stuff fantasies are made of, believe you me.
Once I've gotten my own cameraphone or digital camera or what have you, I'll be one step closer to being immortalized alongside one of the highest-ranking members of my staff. But until then, and with many, many, many thanks to Michael - otherwise known as TheArchivist - for making this possible, I leave you with this...
Butch, I own you.