Get used to disappointment.

Cindylover1969: Hi Mike.
TheArchivist: Hey, Victor.
Me: Um... can you do me a favour?
Him: I hope I can. What would that be?
Me: You know that CD (The Film Music of Basil Poledourise Vol. 1) I sent you a while back? The one that I thought was a bootleg? And which was in fact a genuine promo? I was wondering if you could... um... copy it for me? If I can't find another copy, that is.
Him: Um... I'd gladly do the favour, but I kind of lost both of the CDs.
Me: That happens.
Him: Sorry. :-(
Me: No harm done.

Disappointment two: I did have a closeup NSFW picture of Erica Campbell's flawless ass here, but I just deleted it. Sorry. :( I'll write a story about it later if you like, but for now use your imagination.

The new "Heroes" theme song (what, it has one?).

Dallas. Starsky and Hutch. Hart to Hart. Knots Landing. What do these shows all have in common? No, not "They're all shit"; they all had their theme songs changed for French broadcasts, not always for the better (well, not for the better; I would not have thought anyone would think L'amour de risque (Hart to Hart) would be best served by a Gallic singer going "Jonathan 'art - whoaaaaa - Jennifer 'art..." but apparently someone did). To be fair it's not like English-speaking countries don't do that themselves, but there's usually a bid to make it work for the show - ask any British person of a certain age about White Horses for instance, or have a look at Secret Agent (aka Danger Man).

It happened with Prison Break on M6, with Ramin Djawadi's tense Emmy-nominated opening music changed to Faf Larage's "Pas le Temps" (a rap, I understand), and now it's happened with Heroes. TF1 (which will be screening the adventures of Claire, Niki, Hiro and the rest from June 30) arranged... well, read this translation from a French blogger:

Some months ago, Santi (artistic director of Music One, Tony Parker's label) proposed Victoria Petrosillo to record "Le Héros D'Un Autre", the French theme of the TV series Heroes, which will be aired from June 30 on... TF1.

The young singer accepted and the songs was proposed to NBC, producer of the American series. After many months, the final verdict was: NBC accepted the French theme! France will be the only country to have a different theme at the beginning and at the end of each episode. This single is also the first one of Victoria's upcoming album.

The problem is, many fans were disappointed by the song... Fabrice Sapolsky, from the magazine Comic Box, said that "The musical theme is not suitable for the audience, so TF1 is upset with the marketing of the channel for this series." Santi said that "The songs fits the series with a heroic sound"... According to him, "The audience will discover the song and those who loved will also love Heroes". Who is the artistic producer?

There's no doubt to copy the double-winner Prison Break/Faf Larage (500,000 copies sold for the French theme "Pas le temps"). (chartsinfrance.net)

On the upside, I'm not keen on these incredibly short openings that are all the rage nowadays (Lost, that means you) - and Victoria's song is more accessible to a wider audience than the atmospheric little piece Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman did. On the downside, there's nothing really WRONG with what's there now; and the song is sort of like the theme tune from ALF i.e not bad in its own right but doesn't actually go with the show - it's not like it's opening Roswell or Tru Calling. But check it out on Victoria's MySpace and decide for yourself. (And what's this about Nissan sponsoring a Heroes music video for season 2...?)

The Fri... Sa.. Sunday Debate: Is opening "Transformers" alongside "The Simpsons Movie" a wise move?

Transformers opens in the UK on July 27, as does The Simpsons Movie. The latter has the benefit of having had much more pre-release publicity (about 18 years worth) than the former, and there's also the problem of the movie itself.

I saw it on Friday night at the Empire's multimedia screening with a fellow Guardian Unlimited poster (his companion had to pull out due to boyfriend problems and I snatched up the ticket going spare) , and thus got to be searched before the feature thanks to all the security. The place was packed, and the only time I regretted having to sit way in the back was when Michael Bay came on stage with producer Lorenzo DiBonaventura and cast members Shia LaBoeuf, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel and Megan Fox, whose middle name should be legally changed to "What a", even if she seems to want to channel the spirit of Angelina Jolie. Gah; I could have thrown something at the director of The Rock and producer of The Amityville Horror. I was so close... anyway, the movie itself

a) proved yet again after The Island and Mission: Impossible III that Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman should have stuck with writing for Hercules: The Legendary Journeys;
b) was a lot more interesting when it involved Sam's life than with the Autobots and Decepticons, which is somehow not entirely right for a movie whose raison d'etre is giant robots taking their ongoing battle to Earth;
c) was an hour longer than the 1986 movie and a lot more incoherent;
d) had far too many wisecracks (a sense of humour is one thing, but for goodness' sake did Sam's parents have to be so buffoonish? And as for the Autobot "lubricating" John Turturro's Fed...);
e) had hard to follow action setpieces (apart from the Army soldiers fighting a robotic scorpion in the desert);
and f) had pretty weak music (if only Steven Spielberg had directed as well as exec produced). The end credit songs were especially crap.

All of which wasted an engaging performance from Shia LaBeouf as our human hero and the voice work from Peter "My name is Optimus Prime" Cullen (the intro got a big cheer from the audience) and the rest, plus amazing effects work from Industrial Light and Magic, Digital Domain, KNB EFX, Asylum et al. I didn't hate the movie, it just didn't fire me up or really give me any emotional investment... that ain't good. But at least the horrible Mute Math version of the TV theme that's on the song CD (which the Empire played all of, apparently, before the movie) never turns up in this movie. Here's Lion's much better take from the '86 movie for your enjoyment.

This. Is. Just. Right.

Is this more wonderful than
a) Cheaper By The Dozen
b) Material Girls
c) The Perfect Man
d) Cheaper By The Dozen 2
e) A Cinderella Story
f) Agent Cody Banks
or g) All of the above put together?

Answers to my email address with I Told You Hilary Duff Was More Attractive Than Lindsay Lohan in the subject field.

This. Is. Just. Wrong.

Discuss.

"The future isn't written in stone."

Dear Perez Hilton, you are crap. Love, Victor.

You might have noticed that I like Heroes in general and Hayden Panettiere in particular. You also might have noticed people seeing shots of her around bars and wielding cigarettes and so on and so forth - as opposed to falling out of cars without underwear, going to jail for drunk driving etc - and worrying/hoping she'll turn out to be the next Lindsay Lohan.

Now while we're all (well, those of us who don't get their jollies from gloating over other people's trainwrecks) agreed that this would be a bad thing, we're also leaning a bit too far to the negative side, no? Everyone always goes "Paris! Lindsay! Tara!" and if they're older "Buffy from Family Affair!" but no one ever mentions Drew Barrymore, who went way off the rails in her teen years and survived to become a much cleaner adult.

No one ever mentions Jennifer Love Hewitt, who went from being a cute teenager with a nice rack to a cute grown woman with a nice rack. (Admittedly she's never been associated with rampant excess, but neither has Hayden - we're talking about a girl who, when told she'd be dropped by Neutrogena if she was ever seen with Paris Hilton again, stopped being seen with Paris Hilton.)

No one ever mentions Alyssa Milano, who successfully did something about her nice-little-Samantha-Micelli image and remains a male favourite to this day. No one ever mentions Jodie Foster, who admittedly never seemed like a little girl even when she was a little girl. And crucially, no one ever mentions River Phoenix, who had such a clean-living public persona and turned out to... well, you know. Or Paula Abdul, whose image circa 1990 was very different to what it is now and not, to be honest, in a good way. The point is, we don't know for sure what she'll turn out to be - let's just wait and see. Not everyone people eagerly count down until they're legal turns out to be a car crash waiting to happen.

You may drool now.






P.S. Happy 16th birthday to Willa Holland, and welcome to the staff.

Coming to a CD collection near you

I'm only going to actually see one of these movies, but I do plan to get both of these albums.

It's a great relief that the CD doesn't seem to the R&B/rap-fest that was rumoured - considering the importance of underscore to The Simpsons, and with the relationship Hans Zimmer has with executive producer (and one-time guest voice) James L. Brooks, it's just as well. Kind of a shame that Alf Clausen didn't get to do the movie (Danny Elfman was never a plausible candidate, really), but what can you do? The work of Zimmer and his acolytes will be coming on Adrenaline next month.

I haven't seen any of the Harry Potter movies or read the books, but I do have all the soundtrack albums. Filling John Williams's shoes requires really big feet - let's hope this Nicholas Hooper fellow has them. Check out Soundtrack.net's First Listen to the CD.

Vacation Update.

Cindy: AlbaalbaalbaalbaALBA!!!!!!!

Feltz: Not taking a camera of my own along. Again. (Oh, and Perez Hilton giving her shit again. I hope he winds up thrown in prison one day.)

Cindy: Wanting to make some progress on "The Longest Weekend" Chapter Four and the CSSA chain story during my week off, and actually making some progress.

Feltz: I may not finish the former before Monday (I don't write on Sundays).

Cindy: Weather mostly good.

Feltz: Mostly.

Cindy: Wireless modem fitted by Sharon allows us to both be online at the same time.

Feltz: Thoughts not as fast as fingers. If that makes any sense.

Cindy:

The Friday Debate: Should Cindy Crawford Do Playboy Again?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Alpha for the Omega.

Cindy's latest bit of business for Omega saw her going to Australia, and while you could fill a book with the list of commercial endorsements she's done that still isn't a problem with me. At all.

But anyone who compares this angel to Janice Dickinson should be forbidden to breed at the very least.

It's really tempting to use this to go into a post about how she > Kate Moss as much now as she did in the 1990s, but I won't. For more reactions and pictures, try this link. And that reminds me - I have to check out the new Ocean Drive as well, and try and decide whether or not I'd be delighted or disappointed should Cindy ever decide to change her mind and pose for Playboy again next year (she said it would be good for her 41-year-old ego, but on the other hand she's got other priorities now - and I genuinely respect that). More on this next post.