The TGIF Post.

Problem: In order to tell you my story, I have to tell you theirs...

Hmmm - I haven't shrunk, turned white, lengthened my hair, grown massive breasts and changed sex, and am therefore not Jennifer Love Hewitt. So let's try again.

Problem: In order to remove the implications of working on my Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan/Jewel and Cindy Crawford/Hayden Panettiere/Jessica Alba/Hilary Duff (again)/Rihanna/Katharine McPhee/Kellie Pickler stories at work, I decided to just not do them there. But now they've been gestating longer than the film versions of Dick Tracy and The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the implications of that aside I really HAVE to get cracking. Gah. (All right, I'll post them here with NSFW warnings.)

Not that this week's been all that great anyway - wintry bug's affecting a lot of folks including me, and I've been feeling an ache in my right shoulder all week. Endless stress at work ain't helping, but finding out that I'm not the only person who won't be going on the Christmas do next month is (encouragingly, the only other holdout is also the only other person at work who I know for a fact watches this blog's favourite non-animated show still in production, Heroes).

And now that I'm a member of Fanderson at long last, I can... do not much I couldn't do before, really. But at least it ain't bad news.

And finally, for Butch:

"Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the den

Two creatures were stirring - one Kingston, one Gwen..."

Tuesday morning, 3:21am

Start of another four-day week. (Monday is a holiday for me because I feel I may want to recover from being in the same room as Hayden - as part of NBC's publicity jaunt the cheerleader, Mr. Bennet and the brothers Petrelli are going to be in the UK towards the end of the week; La Panettiere is due to be with Chris Moyles, Jack Coleman's on GMTV and Milo Ventimiglia is on This Morning, so where's Adrian Pasdar?) And meanwhile, I'm discussing future stories with my partner Brandon, and getting ready to... sign off and watch another episode of season six of Gilmore girls. No stress, thanks.

Vacation Update.

Cindy: AlbaalbaalbaalbaALBA!!!!!!!

Feltz: Not taking a camera of my own along. Again. (Oh, and Perez Hilton giving her shit again. I hope he winds up thrown in prison one day.)

Cindy: Wanting to make some progress on "The Longest Weekend" Chapter Four and the CSSA chain story during my week off, and actually making some progress.

Feltz: I may not finish the former before Monday (I don't write on Sundays).

Cindy: Weather mostly good.

Feltz: Mostly.

Cindy: Wireless modem fitted by Sharon allows us to both be online at the same time.

Feltz: Thoughts not as fast as fingers. If that makes any sense.

Cindy:

Cindy Inc. work in progress continued.

Previously on Cindy Inc....

* * * * *

"Mom?"
"Yes, Hayden?"
"Ummm..." Hayden twisted her hands nervously. "You know I've been working for Cindy for about three months now..."
"And you've been doing a good job too," Lesley said approvingly. "You didn't even complain after that party Rande had the night before and you had to spend all morning pitching in to clear things up..."
"No kidding," the teenager replied, still mentally wiping her hands after that memory. "I was wondering that... you know I'm not allowed to talk to Cindy during the week. You think you could have a word with her and sort of... set up a meeting with us?"
Lesley nodded thoughtfully. Hayden must have been thinking she was due for a little more money than she'd been getting, and she had been working like a Trojan down there. And hey, Cindy could afford a little extra. Especially since Hayden had seen how that argument between Kate Winslet and Salma Hayek over a client had turned out, and kept her mouth shut about it. To the intense relief of both of them, who hadn't seen her until it was too late.

* * * * * * * * * *

The meeting didn't happen that weekend. Or the following weekend. But following family emergencies the first time and a command performance for Cindy the second time, the third time was the charm for the supermodel and the Panettieres.
"Sorry these took so long," Cindy said apologetically as she brought out a tray of tea for them, "but my maid's got the day off." Hayden just smirked.
"Now, I think I can guess what this is about," she continued. "I've been watching you for a while now, and I was actually going to do it after a year. But I had a talk with your mom..."
"And?" Hayden asked hopefully.
"And I'd say you've earned an early raise," Cindy finished, shaking the girl's hand.
"Wow - thank you! But this wasn't about the money..."
"No shame in admitting it," Lesley told her. "We've all done things for the green."
"Well, that's true, but I really wanted to..." Hayden laughed a little nervously. "...talk about promotion. To... look, I love working for you, Cindy. You're fair and you pay well, but... I..."
"Go on," said Lesley. "She won't bite."
"I... I wanna join Cindy Inc. I want to be one of your girls."
Even though both older women knew this moment was coming - Lesley was under no illusions that her daughter was unaware of her sexuality, and Cindy had been giving serious consideration to taking her on board anyway eventually - this still came as a surprise to them. They exchanged worried glances, mothers the pair of them, before Cindy looked back at Hayden.
"100%. That's your raise, effective immediately. And every third Saturday off, if you just forget about this."
"I don't care about the money! I'll take a pay cut if I have to; I just want to--"
"Be a whore?" Lesley interrupted. "You're my daughter; I know what goes on in places like this, and I'm not letting you open your legs to every guy rich enough to pay for it."
"I'm not a baby anymore!" snapped Hayden, flushing hotly. "And you can't just switch me off like this - you don't own me, Cindy!"
"Look, Hayden--" Cindy started.
"Why do you think I came to you? You don't think Jennifer Lopez didn't try and get me like she got Lindsay Lohan and Paris and Fergie and other members of Skanks'R'Us? Your place has a bit of class about it; I like class... Cindy Inc.'s the kind of thing I've dreamed of ever since I was a little kid--"
"Listen up, Hayden Panettiere," Cindy interrupted firmly, grabbing the heated girl's arms. "Two reasons. One, I do kind of own you, because no one who works directly for me works at Cindy Inc. Conflict of interest... it wouldn't be good for me if I looked like I was playing favourites."
"So fire me."
"That didn't work for Jessica Biel back when she was on 7th Heaven, and it won't work for you," Lesley told her tersely.
"And two," Cindy continued, "I'm glad you're eager and we'll love having you around the day after you're 18. But you're not 18 yet... look, I've got several guys panting to put their dicks in Willa Holland from The OC and there's even a couple asking about Dakota Fanning, heaven knows why. But if I start hiring girls like that to be fucked by folks twice their age, we'll all end up going to prison."
"You've got 16-year-olds giving head in Paris, in Rome, in London and so on," Hayden pointed out. "We're not in Europe," Lesley reminded her. "And like I said, I'm not having my daughter getting banged around here."
"Hey, my MOM gets banged around here," Hayden said. "Just following the tradition."
Both older women spat out a mouthful of tea in shock and surprise; none of it splattered Hayden, but even if it had the girl wouldn't have cared. "Didn't think I knew about that, did you? About the two of you and Ugly Betty and Vanessa Hudgens? And Emma Watson? And Brenda Song? And even Joanna Levesque?! The girl's younger than ME, dammit! And you're telling me I can't do it? I expect Madonna to be two-faced, but the two of you?!"
"Wait, wait, wait..." a flustered Cindy interrupted. "How'd you know about all that?"
"Vanessa told me the day I got the job as your maid," Hayden answered. "Don't worry, I won't tell... Disney would be mad at Vanessa." (Since the House of Mouse didn't like their talent working for Cindy Inc., the relief was palpable but brief.)
"Now look, we're just trying to protect you..." Lesley begged.
"Me? Or yourself?"
"Hayden, be reasonable," Cindy pleaded. "I can't have you on staff yet."
"Then you can't have me at all. Do your own fucking cleaning, Cindy Crawford - I quit!"
"But--"
"Mom, take me home!"
"Hayden, we can work this out--"
"TAKE ME HOME, MOM! Or I'll drive there myself and you and Cindy can argue over who gets to bang who first!"
Lesley gave Cindy a sorrowful glance, and got up to leave. The meeting was over, and Cindy's weekend was ruined; she sat there mulling her options as the two blondes walked to the door.
Pausing in the doorway, Hayden gave the boss one last look, her face looking as if she was about to kill. "I'll say this for you, Cindy - you got my name right anyway," she said, and swept out.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hey Presley!"
"Yeah, Andy?"
"I want to know if that hot girl's back there yet?"
"Mom says she'll tell me when she's coming back."

* * * * * * * * * *

"I'm not going back," Hayden said to Lesley wearily. Not because she was tired of going over old ground, but because filming wasn't a fast process and it had been a rough day.
"You were looking forward to it so much before; you're really going to let one little roadblock put you off? That's not the Hayden I brought up," Lesley came back. "All we want you to do is wait a little. Cindy said she'd -- "
"I told her, it isn't about the money! If I'm not going back as one of her girls, I'm not going back."
Lesley knew an immovable opinion when she heard it, and mentally steeled herself to give Cindy the bad news.
"But..." Hayden added, starting to smile. "I could change my mind if she gave an inch or two."
"What are you talking about? She's giving like everything she can give you!"
Hayden winked at her mom. "Not quite EVERYTHING."
This time Lesley got it. "You're definitely your mother's daughter," she laughed...