Friday, July 06, 2007

The Friday Debate: Should there be more penises in magazines aimed at women?

In the new issue of UK GQ, Jessica Alba - as well as providing a layout different from the US one (more magazines should take note) - said in the accompanying interview "Men's magazines have nipples so why don't women have a magazine where men show their penises? There's Playgirl but not a fashion magazine like Elle. If there was a magazine like that I'd buy it. Nudity's not a big deal to me."

This is not the time to complain about Jessica's stance on nudity as far as it equates to herself (let's face it, how many men who enjoy looking at undressed women would want to strip off on screen themselves?); nor to point out how unreservedly sexist it would be if it was vice versa (which admittedly ain't possible). This is the time to point out the problems with this proposal.

Problem 1: Even British lad magazines don't have women showing the equivalent parts of their bodies (and this is the biggest problem with her proposal - equating schlongs to funbags is not exactly a level playing field). If men appear totally naked, then Lucy Pinder et al would have to bare all as well.

Problem 2: Unlike men's magazines, which can feature women with small breasts as well as more-endowed ones, you don't often see Playgirl brandishing men with small penises regularly. So I hear.

Problem 3: When nude women bounce while running, it's a thing of beauty. Nude men don't exactly bounce when running, and it is not a thing of beauty. Comedy, yes.

Problem 4: Plastic surgery has not as yet reached the point where men can have their penises surgically enlarged.

Problem 5: The whole ladette thing is so over.

Years ago, a less-than-100%-straight reader of loaded requested the mag include some "knob" pics. His request fell on deaf ears. So, quite possibly, will Jessica's... think about it. Has there ever been a male equivalent of someone like Sara Jean Underwood (Playmate of the Year)? The Sun's Page 7 Fella exercise was limp (as it were), and despite the best efforts of the media, women have been unable to keep from seeming more interested in the mind than men (Daniel Craig in Casino Royale notwithstanding). It would balance things out, I admit, but... I'm not sure it would really work.

Besides. there's always homosexual porn.

Jessica Alba will always be one of my favourites, but this post is going to end with a poster for Shoot 'Em Up featuring one of its stars (who has famously never had a problem with her own nudity). And it's not Clive Owen, and it sure as hell ain't Paul Giamatti.




1 comment:

The Archivist said...

1. Good point.

2. This really proves that size matters.

4. Who would be fool enough to try it?

5. Ladette?