Monday, October 17, 2005

What's the difference between "Totally Scott-Lee" and Sonic the Hedgehog?

Sonic the Hedgehog has a discernible point. Several, in fact. :)

Before I go into meltdown over this MTV-hogging no-talent ex-member of the ex-pop group Steps (trust me, you don't want to know about Lisa Scott-Lee. You really don't), let's talk about something else.

Like my managing to do the rent for the month early for once.

Or communicating with another Cindy-lover over on Superiorpics (called IloveJLH, which shows excellent taste).

Or wondering why LivingTV is burning off Veronica Mars on weekdays and dithering over Ghost Whisperer (which is right up their supernatural alley - buy it, dammit! It probably won't be as good as Medium, but it's got Jennifer Love Hewitt!).

Or discussing 2006 calendars.

Okay, let's do the calendars. If Cindy still did official calendars, she'd be in like a shot. But sadly she stopped years ago. (It's not like she hasn't got the body for it. Trust me.)

The Charmed one would normally be a shoo-in, like it wasthe last two years, but this year Brian Krause and some new guy managed to worm their way onto it, thus causing this to break my most important rule about calendars: No Guys Allowed. Ever. I am a single man; when I wake up I want to see something pleasant, something which will give me some nice thoughts to start the day. No one with a penis who is not a shemale has that capability. (There are probably fans of The O.C. who feel that way about Rachel and Co., which is why there's a separate one about the lads of said show.)

No pets, no countries, no flowers... and no modes of transportation. All out.

I also don't like cartoon calendars on walls, so I have to pass on The Simpsons. (Probably the only time I will ever arrange those words in that order.)

So we're back to the eye candy. The Lost, Alias and Desperate Housewives calendars all fall by the wayside for that same reason as Charmed (big plus: waking up to Maggie Grace, Jennifer Garner or Eva Longoria. Big minus: waking up to just about any of the guys, but especially Naveen Andrews [facial hair? Ugh], Victor Garber or that one who plays Carlos); no soap babes will ever adorn my walls; and since Britney has been unable to do a calendar this year for obvious reasons, that accounts for the singers (Kylie Minogue? Jessica Simpson? Rachel Stevens? Get out).

Models? No chance - I couldn't live with myself if I put up Abi Titmuss or Lucy Pinder (with or without Michelle Marsh). And as for Jordan...


So we're left with actresses (and I bet you can see where this is going). And who's the final choice? Um... yes, that's right... the Alba. (Not official, but better than nothing. Especially since the only other option is the Fantastic Four calendar. Too many Y-chromosomes.)

More homoerotic porn during the week.

3 comments:

The Archivist said...

What, Rachel Bilson has a calendar? Where can I find it?

Cindylover1969 said...

No, she doesn't. I meant there are two calendars for The O.C. One with the main cast, one with just the guys.

All Hail King Butcher! said...

Oh, no. A Jessica Alba calendar. How terrible. It makes me sad. And why is my index finger so close to my thumb? It looks like it's playing a violin--but no normal human being could play a violin of that Lilliputian size! It makes no sense!