The Rosanna Arquette In Stereo Post.

The dire Jean-Claude Van Damme movie (or is that redundant?) Nowhere To Run is playing out on Sky. But it's a dire Jean-Claude Van Damme movie with Rosanna Arquette, and is therefore safe from channel skipping.



The above hails from her episode of Medium, and the below is the first of a series of clip videos of her career to date courtesy some bright spark called mweihn. Watch and see why this woman is in my permanent Hall of Fame.

The Return Of The Cindy/Feltz Thingy Post.

Cindy: I finally do MySpace just when everyone else is on Facebook. Even one of my aunts.

Feltz: Hard to maintain any of 'em, you know. Especially when I don't talk much and don't have much to talk about. Maybe I should just, you know, lie?

Cindy: Pushing Daisies, Chuck and Gossip Girl.

Feltz: Mad Men. Enough dark, cynical, critically-beloved viewing, thanks - like The Sopranos I don't have any engagement with anyone on this, so be off.

Cindy: Lalo Schifrin at the Barbican with the LSO.

Feltz: The endless journey home afterwards.

Cindy: Heroes returns this week!

Feltz: On BBC2, not NBC.

If you want me, I'll be down at the Pie Hole, the Nerd Herd or at Serena van der Woodsen's.

The Sunday Morning Post.

I have to complain about a) seeing the trailer for the Sex and the City movie in front of The Spiderwick Chronicles and b) seeing the trailer for the Sex and the City movie. Come on, have a heart.

ITV1 also deserves a jolly-good talking to for Pushing Daisies. Not the show itself, the pilot of which was on last night - love it, love it, love it - and was a real whetter for the rest of the series (although why give Anna Friel all the props when there's the rest of the cast, not to mention the great Bryan Fuller?)... but for their only showing eight episodes of the nine in the first season. For goodness' sake, haven't they heard of double-bills? It's Nickelodeon with Gilmore girls all over again. Gah.

Here's something to cheer me up. (Have fun where you are, Butch. And who's this Olivia Munn person? Looks fun.)

The It Actually Works! Post.

Even though I already gave my two cents to FHM, I gave Keeley's Lady Selector a whirl, just to see what would happen if I tried that.

I went through it twice - once for brunettes, once for blondes (you can also go for bald, but I didn't try that) and it has to lose points for only letting you choose either British or American women (er, hello? France? Australia? Asia?). But it gets some back for Keeley being very, very attractive even when she talks (mentioning no names, but some of these men's magazine regulars - when they open their mouths you suddenly understand how sound ruined some stars' careers after the silent era).

Anyway, once I gave the system my choices, it came up with the following five women for brunettes:
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Katie Holmes
Natalie Portman
Ellen Page
and Jessica Alba.

And for blondes I drew:
Amber Heard
Ali Larter
Blake Lively
Katherine Heigl
and Hayden Panettiere.

(I couldn't remember Blake at first so I went back, inputted again and got Ashley Olsen and Elisha Cuthbert in place of Amber and Blake. Trading down there, really. And then I edited this post from what was originally published this morning.) A good enough average so that I can give this a ringing endorsement. Not enough to buy the current issue, but enough to maybe put Keeley on staff.

The Started At 2:54 AM, Finished At 3:08AM Post.

A few random thoughts:

1. I'm not entirely convinced about The Boondocks. I wish Yahoo! could add Luann to their comic strip lineup, but until then the 'docks stay.

2. Brazilian Marie Claire ran a piece about Patricia Araujo. It's very weird to see she was born as Felipe. Not as weird as reading a translation via Babelfish (Portuguese to English).

3. It's time to start saving for my flight to Nevis in July. And to get mum's birthday gift. If only someone else hadn't already decided on part of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency.

4. Blake Lively looks like a more attractive cross between Cate Blanchett and Cat Deeley. Not as nice as her, but still great.

The Step Up 2 The Vantage Point Post.

I went to see Step Up 2 The Streets and Vantage Point on Saturday. We might as well run a comparison...

Story: The former's climax is obvious from the word go, but the latter can be called many things - predictable not being one of them. Advantage: Vantage Point.

Acting: Neither is the kind of thing you go to for performances (with the former it's all about the dancing, the latter has tension up the wazoo), but Dennis Quaid makes the latter - almost as good at going "DAMMIT!" as Kiefer Sutherland, he is. Advantage: Vantage Point.

Altierre Factor: Briana Evigan and Cassie Ventura vs. Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana and the baddies. No contest. Advantage: Step Up 2 The Streets.

Music: Not a fan of what's called "urban" stuff, but Step Up 2 The Streets also has an almost too emotional Aaron Zigman score. Vantage Point's 24-esque music by Atli Örvarsson (and, this being a Hans Zimmer offshoot, others) does at least fit the movie better. Advantage: Vantage Point.

Action: Come on. Advantage: Vantage Point.

Emotional Content: Step Up 2 The Streets does have heart, while Vantage Point only has emotion in the Forest Whitaker parts. Advantage: Step Up 2 The Streets.

Reason To See It In The First Place: I hadn't seen the first Step Up, whereas Vantage Point is a one-off. Advantage: Vantage Point.

Winner: Vantage Point, duh. Briana "Thank goodness she wasn't related to the Bear" Evigan notwithstanding.

The I Hate Myself Post.

While I was logging in, Sharon started vacuuming. I should have done that.

Now I know I've hit a low point. And I apologise. I'm going to post this and sign off completely now.

The You Can't Have Your Cake And Edith Too Post.

Yes, Quantum Of Solace is a great name for a story but not so good for a movie. True, it's difficult to see how you can get it into a song title (so they probably won't - as demonstrated by On Her Majesty's Secret Service, The Spy Who Loved Me, Octopussy and Casino Royale). And indeed, a humourous takeoff of 007 songs is not a bad idea. (As opposed to keeping on mentioning Amy Winehouse each time the "Who'll sing the next theme?" question is brought up.)

None of which excuses Edith Bowman, James King and Alison Clarkson (aka Betty Boo) for the fact that their parody Bond song is pretty poor, both as a song in itself and because it's not very funny (Weird Al Yankovic's title song from Spy Hard and the "Scorpio" number at the end of The Simpsons' "You Only Move Twice" both effortlessly kill this one). But I still heart Edith, and judge for yourself.

And it's still better than the last few real James Bond songs anyway.

The Grumpy Oldish Composers Post.

Most film music written today is terrible, with few scores lingering in the memory like the underwater menace of Jaws or the whimsical "Moon River" from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, top composers have told The Times.

Hans Zimmer, who wrote the music for the Hollywood box-office hits Gladiator and The Lion King, dismissed the majority of contemporary screen compositions as unmemorable. “They drift around like cows grazing. So many scores sound like nobody really thought about them.”

Anne Dudley, whose music in The Full Monty won an Oscar, and Christopher Gunning, whose score for La Vie en Rose picked up a Bafta this year, attacked the “blandness” of soundtracks.

The public appear to agree. A recent poll of the nation’s all-time favourite film themes was dominated by scores from decades ago by composers such as John Williams (Jaws) and Ennio Morricone (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly).

Gladiator and Pirates of the Caribbean were among five scores in the poll by Zimmer, whose Oscar-winning soundtrack for The Lion King has sold more than 15 million copies.

“Where is the next Jerry Goldsmith?” Zimmer asked yesterday, referring to the late composer of the Stravinsky-inspired score for Planet of the Apes and the jazzy theme of Roman Polanski’s Chinatown.

Zimmer praised the craftsmanship of Williams (Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park) and Morricone. “There’s never a lazy note from them,” he said. Gunning said: “I go to movies a lot and I find myself disappointed again and again [by] the blandness of the music. Where has melody gone in film music? What do you remember of Breakfast at Tiffany’s? "Moon River" by Henry Mancini. You can’t get it out of your head.”

He said that these days scores were more likely to be written by keyboard players with computer skills learned at film schools rather than composers trained at music college.

Dudley blamed American studios for choosing music “by committee”.

That was from a couple of weeks ago, and it and responses to it are here. Now I'm not saying they don't have a point... but it's also true to say that you get wheat and chaff in all areas. And really, considering how insidious Zimmer's cloning process is (as opposed to apprenticeship, like with Michael Kamen and Edward Shearmur... and Stanley Myers and Hans Zimmer, come to that) he's a fine one to talk. Still, there's stuff to look forward to this year - Michael Giacchino's Speed Racer, John Williams's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - and Barbarella on TV now is on my want-to-buy list, music-wise.

Wait a minute... that was from 1968!

I can only assume that poll was from Classic FM, which ain't the most trustworthy of things...

The It Figures Post.

You know what they say about the child being the father of the man.

Pushing Daisies and Gossip Girl, coming soon to ITV1 and ITV2 respectively. And already a clash with the latter what with it being on the same night as My Name Is Earl. Not at the same time (9pm for the one, 10pm for the other), but if they're being taped I can't honestly see Sharon - a big fan of Earl Hickey's travails - taking to a series like this. Repeats, please? (What am I saying? This is ITV2. They repeat EVERYTHING.)

STOP PRESS: Oh. Apparently they are on at the same time (both at 10pm). Wonderful. Thank goodness for ITV2+1, is all I can say. And, not for the first time, Channel 4+1. And, like I said, repeats.