The Cindy Spot: Not Worthy To Be Called A Person.

The first time I felt the need to scream "FUCK YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, AND YOUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN! AND THEIR CHILDREN AFTER THEM!" at someone was one afternoon at the USIS (United States Information Service) library. There I was, going through the New Republic, when up pops Stanley Kauffmann to write this about Nobody's Fool - "Cassie [the main character] is played by Rosanna Arquette, that amateur actress crammed with self-love..." Nineteen years later, I still haven't forgiven the fucker.

All my Hall of Famers have had people like that, but none as much as my Cindy. This week's spot is devoted to naming and shaming some of those men who, for one reason or another, have moved onto my shit list permanently for having a go at her, picking on her, or whatever:

Nick Hornby. Making football "in" again was bad enough, but wondering why Cindy is famous for her looks while the girl in the laundromat isn't... let's just say you will never find any copies of his books or ticket stubs to films of his books in my possession.

Dennis Pennis. Grating "comic" character whose M.O. was to go up to celebrities, pretend he was a genuine interviewer (with a really annoying US accent) and then be very rude. This act always wears out its welcome very quickly - like after seeing it once (and usually during seeing it) - and Cindy was one of his US victims. The man behind it, Paul Kaye, has since put it to bed, but too late - he's never been considered funny since.

Jeff Banks. Fashion designer, which is in itself reason enough to hate him. The tosser called her a Barbie doll in one of those "I am the only person in the world qualified to say who is sexy and who isn't" articles. Oh, how I laughed when a radio comedy show had a sketch about three men beating him to a pulp with sticks.

Ted Casablanca. E! gossip maven. I refuse to waste any more space on him.

Mark Eccleston, Baz Bamigboye, and any other journalists who slag her off. (I found myself sitting behind the first named on seeing The Island. I should have hit him.)

I could go on, but I'm getting upset...

And Doug Abbott on alt.gossip.celebrities. A venal slug who is long overdue for a virus. Either computer or human, I'm not picky.