Friday, March 25, 2005

I don't know why I bother. I really don't.

"...That girl was a one time teenage drama queen/A hot, tough everyday wannabe..."

Sorry, I was just listening to Lindsay's song from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (like the song, not so happy with the movie). Moving on...

Jessica Alba has proven on multiple occasions she can go blonde and not make you want to vomit. Jessica Alba is scorchingly sexy without coming across as a monster. Jessica Alba has yet to go publicly mad. Jessica Alba does not only look nice from certain angles. And yet it is Angelina Jolie at the top of the US FHM roundup.

In the various international issues the lists are different (the UK one will have various stars of the soaps and charts which aren't below), but the number one is suspiciously always the same... or maybe regionalisation will win out this year and each territory will have a different chart-topper. Yeah, right. Anyway, here's the full list, absurdities and all.

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Jennifer Garner
3. Paris Hilton
4. Charlize Theron
5. Halle Berry
6. Alyssa Milano
7. Teri Hatcher
8. Pamela Anderson
9. Scarlett Johansson
10. Lindsay Lohan
11. Keira Knightley
12. Salma Hayek
13. Cameron Diaz
14. Leeann Tweeden
15. Mariah Carey
16. Jessica Simpson
17. Beyoncé Knowles
18. Carmen Electra
19. Maria Sharapova
20. Jennifer Love Hewitt
21. Jessica Biel
22. Jessica Alba
23. Brooke Burke

24. Jenna Jameson
25. Heidi Klum
26. Vida Guerra
27. Christina Aguilera
28. Kristin Kreuk
29. Faith Hill
30. Gwen Stefani
31. Jennifer Lopez
32. The Olsen Twins
33. Shania Twain
34. Beth Ostrosky
35. Mandy Moore
36. Josie Maran
37. Janet Jackson
38. Eva Longoria
39. Adriana Lima
40. Reese Witherspoon
41. Jennifer Aniston
42. Jamie-Lynn DiScala
43. Tara Reid
44. Maggie Grace
45. Elizabeth Hurley
46. Eliza Dushku
47. Kate Hudson
48. Anna Benson
49. Natalie Portman
50. LeAnn Rimes
51. Penelope Cruz
52. Mischa Barton
53. Eva Mendes
54. Jenny McCarthy
55. Katherine Heigl
56. Lucy Liu
57. Jennie Finch
58. Maggie Gyllenhaal
59. Amanda Righetti
60. Kate Bosworth
61. Estella Warren
62. Anna Kournikova

63. Landi Swanepoel
64. Sarah Michelle Gellar
65. Gisele Bundchen
66. Neve Campbell
67. Uma Thurman
68. Catherine Zeta-Jones
69. Nicole Kidman
70. Emma Bunton
71. Kate Beckinsale
72. Katie Holmes
73. Morgan Webb
74. Heather Graham
75. Evangeline Lilly
76. Shakira
77. Rachel Bilson

78. Kaley Cuoco
79. Amanda Beard
80. Sofia Vergara
81. Ashanti

82. Denise Richards
83. Molly Sims
84. Alessandra Ambrosio
85. Kelly Ripa
86. Mayra Veronica
87. Jamie Pressly
88. Jennifer Connelly
89. Monica Bellucci
90. Kristi Leskinen
91. Logan Tom
92. Kelly Clarkson
93. Jennifer Hanson
94. Courtney Hansen
95. Alicia Keys
96. Brande Roderick
97. Natalie Gulbis
98. Milla Jovovich
99. Rebecca Romijn
100. Roselyn Sanchez

This is, to be honest, a farce (no Britney? No Hilary Duff? Monica "100% all woman" Bellucci ranking below Emma Bunton [though her most recent '60s-type stuff is surprisingly not vomitous], Kate Hudson, Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman?!?). And I really don't want to think of what the UK list'll be like...

And no Cindy. Grrrr.

"...that girl was a wild child dreamer but she found herself/Cause she believes in nothin' else..."


The Archivist said...

I know, I know. VERY sorely lacking.

But what can one do?

MuffinMan said...

One bright spot, at least: NO Anna Nicole Smith despite having a cover/layout last year...

The Archivist said...

We can be grateful for small mercies, at least.

MuffinMan said...

JessicaA as a blonde may not make me induce vomiting, but she DOES produce a nice, warm feeling all over me in that hue :<3...

MuffinMan said...
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