Saturday, February 26, 2005

The Boob Index

Get your mind out of the gutter - this is the anti-Babe Index. Instead of listing what Esquire would call "Women We Love," this is aimed at those ladies who, were this the climax of The Good Son, would be Macaulay Culkin rather than Elijah Wood. Enjoy the trip, scumqueens...

Fiona Phillips - The Katie Couric of GMTV (ITV's breakfast television service); not because she's cute (she isn't really) but because the brainless bint redubbed Katie's voice on the UK release of Shark Tale, thus ensuring her grating voice would help make an already bad movie even more unbearable.

Christina Aguilera - Miss Ugliera was also one of the many reasons said DreamWorks abomination was torture; her murder of "Car Wash" added to the already lengthy list of reasons (from the inexplicable excusing she gets for her vocal gymnastics [when Mariah Carey and the admittedly boring Alicia Keys get slated for same] to her general skankiness) why whacking her around the head with a golf club would give me endless pleasure. And for the record, since Chrissy-wissy is 5'2" and bony while I am 6' + and big with it, of course I can bloody hold you down!

Kelly Osbourne - Famously deemed the above "a transvestite" and "a cunt." While I certainly concur, the words "pot," "kettle" and "black" come unbidden to mind.

Janet Jackson - Despite possessing a wonderfully juicy behind, I have never liked the baby of the Jackson family; her records have been consistently not good, all her dance routines look the same, and that stunt she pulled at the Superbowl last year... (She has at least gotten a bit of what's coming to her with disappointing album sales. We're still waiting for Justin Timberlake's long-overdue comeuppance.)

Kate Moss - Fuck off.

Mandy Moore - In spite of her good work in A Walk To Remember, I've never warmed to her as much as Jessica Simpson.

To be continued...

3 comments:

MuffinMan said...

Timberfake's comeuppance will be when CameronD and I get together for a serious 69/rimming session that he'll be forced to watch...at gunpoint (while me and Cammie proclaim how great the other tastes "up there" :)) )!!!!

MuffinMan said...

So sorry; I meant "BACK there" (of course)...

The Archivist said...

I wholeheartedly agree about Xtina and Kelly.

They just grate so annoyingly.