The Will Kate Do FHM While In London? Post

She can't do Maxim, that's for sure. Mainly because the UK edition is defunct.

But it would be nice if she did, as it would make up for some of their cover choices of late...

The Olivia Munn Post.

First Audrina Patridge covers FHM UK, and now Olivia Munn? At least The Hills is shown on British TV; does Olivia have any UK TV presence? Does she? Please tell me.

The Hang On, Don't You Get "Heroes" In Spain? Post.

Because Spain's FHM rundown is conspiciously lacking in Hayden action. Or any of that show's other lookers. Not that there aren't any fine women at all - reduce the amount of "Who?"-ness here. Women who've made every list I've found so far in Verdana... and so on, you know how it goes by now.

1. Pilar Rubio.
2. Elsa Pataky. Yay! If Snakes On A Plane and Queen Of Swords had been big hits (or hits), I think she'd be better known in the English-language world.
3. Megan Fox.
4. Jessica Alba.
5. Amaia Salamanca.
6. Scarlett Johansson.
7. Angelina Jolie.
8. Carolina Cerezuela.
9. Patricia Conde .
10. Edurne.
11. Eva Longoria (Parker). The ice cream seller strikes again!
12. Kira Miró.
13. Penélope Cruz.
14. Adriana Lima.
15. Michelle Jenner.
16. Alyssa Milano.
17. Charlize Theron.
18. Ana Celia de Armas.
19. Hilary Duff.
20. Natalia.
21. Rihanna.
22. Jessica Biel.
23. Nika.
24. Keira Knightley.
25. Eva González.
26. Beyoncé Knowles.
27. Ana Ruiz.
28. Gisele Bündchen.
29. Eva Mendes.
30. Chenoa.
31. Jennifer Aniston.
32. Virginie. I thought this was Virginie Ledoyen. She isn't.
33. Avril Lavigne.
34. Paz Vega.
35. Alicia Keys.
36. Carmen Alcayde.
37. Paula Echevarria.
38. Christina Aguilera.
39. Britney Spears.
40. Ana Alves.
41. Blanca Romero.
42. Shakira.
43. Carmen Electra.
44. Mónica Bellucci.
45. Fergie.
46. Marta Torné.
47. Halle Berry.
48. Keeley Hazell.
49. Lindsay Lohan.
50. Agurne Anasagasti.
51. Leonor Watling.
52. Vanessa Romero.
53. Merxe.
54. Tila Tequila.
55. Lucía Lapiedra.
56. Marisa Jara.
57. Soraya.
58. Verónica Sánchez.
59. Verónica Romero
60. Marbelys.
61. Evangeline Lilly.
62. Alexandra Jimenez.
63. Natalie Portman.
64. Mónica Estarreado
65. Natalia Verbeke.
66. Jennifer Morrison. So I guess not everybody watches House, M.D. for Hugh Laurie.
67. Triana Iglesias.
68. Alba Molina.
69. Diana Palazón.
70. Ariadne Artiles.
71. Jennifer Lopez.
72. Rebecca Loos.
73. Raquel del Rosario.
74. Maria Sharapova.
75. Sienna Miller.
76. Natalia Jiménez.
77. Beatriz Montáñez.
78. Nicole Scherzinger.
79. Paulina Rubio.
80. Ana Beatriz Barros.
81. Paris Hilton.
82. Rachel Bilson.
83. Jessica Simpson.
84. Elena Anaya.
85. Manuela Velasco.
86. Cristina Peña.
87. Alessandra Ambrosio.
88. Sonia Ferrer.
89. Gwen Stefani.
90. Jenna Jameson.
91. Melanie Olivares.
92. Miren Ibarguren.
93. Joanna Krupa.
94. Paula Vázquez.
95. Teté (Natalia Sánchez).
96. Ana Maria Polvorosa.
97. Abbey Clancy.
98. Vega.
99. Anna Kournikova.
100. Verónica Echegui.

There is indeed nowt so queer as folk. Bring on the French list!

The Let's Go List Crazy Post.

Things to do: buy Awake and Good Luck Chuck on DVD since there's no chance of my getting to see either of them on the big screen, actually write to Teresa since I update my MySpace with the frequency of a mountain dancing, and find out every country's FHM rundown. We've already done the UK and US, but what about the 31 other countries where EMAP's pride and joy is done? And what can we learn from what Australian readers pick? Bold denotes ones I like, Verdana means they also made the US and UK lists, both indicates both.

1. Jessica Alba.
2. Megan Fox.
3. Jess Origliasso. One half of singing duo The Veronicas.
4. Lisa Origliasso. The other half of singing duo The Veronicas.
5. Miranda Kerr. Not half bad Victoria's Secret model.
6. Jennifer Hawkins. Forever ex-Miss Australia.
7. Kate Beckinsale. The highest-scoring person here who isn't American or Australian.
8. Natalie Imbruglia. Forever either Beth Brennan or "Torn."
9. Hayden Panettiere. One of four, count 'em, four Heroes representatives here.
10. Lara Bingle.
11. Alessandra Ambrosio.
12. Scarlett Johansson.
13. Rihanna.
14. Erin McNaught.
15. Adriana Lima.
16. Jodi Gordon. The first of several Australian soaps reps to be found here.
17. Ana Ivanovic.
18. Katherine Heigl.
19. Jessica Biel.
20. Emma Watson.
21. Holly Valance.
22. Tamsyn Lewis.
23. Natalie Bassingthwaighte. Is this really how her surname is spelt?
24. Eva Mendes.
25. Angelina Jolie.
26. Rachel Bilson.
27. Krystal Forscutt.
28. Pippa Black.
29. Beyoncé Knowles.
30. Gemma Ward.
31. Eva Longoria (Parker).
32. Caitlin Stasey.
33. Jennifer Love Hewitt.
34. Keeley Hazell. Between you and me and anyone else who reads this, I'm seriously considering bolding her.
35. Natalie Portman.
36. Keira Knightley.
37. Christina Aguilera.
38. Elisha Cuthbert.
39. Jessica Simpson.
40. Cameron Diaz.
41. Nicky Whelan.
42. Bar Refaeli. See Keeley Hazell.
43. Gisele Bundchen.
44. Heidi Klum.
45. Kate Ritchie. Will she be here next year now she's finally left Home and Away? She probably will.
46. Jackie O. Australian necrophilia is not that widespread - this is a presenter.
47. Halle Berry.
48. Salma Hayek.
49. Reese Witherspoon.
50. Sarah Michelle Gellar.
51. Avril Lavigne.
52. Rachel McAdams.
53. Nicole Scherzinger.
54. Kelly Brook.
55. Penelope Cruz.
56. Jennifer Garner.
57. Stacy Keibler.
58. Kate Waterhouse.
59. Maria Sharapova.
60. Ali Larter.
61. Isabel Lucas.
62. Sandra Sully.
63. Olga Kurylenko.
64. Sienna Miller.
65. Jade McRae.
66. Olivia Thirlby.
67. Emily Scott.
68. Lindsay Lohan.
69. Chloe Lattanzi.
70. Anna Kournikova.
71. Kylie Minogue.
72. Sophie Monk.
73. Gwen Stefani.
74. Doutzen Kroes. She's another one who's worth it.
75. Mary Elizabeth Winstead.
76. Candice Alley.
77. Vanessa Hudgens.
78. Mandy Moore.
79. Noemie Lenoir.
80. Charlize Theron.
81. Odette Yustman.
82. Marisa Miller. No relation to the less foxy Sienna.
83. Summer Glau.
84. Nadine Velazquez.
85. Amber Heard.
86. Amy Pearson.
87. Rachael Taylor.
88. Hilary Duff. She should not be this low.
89. Tahyna Tozzi.
90. Missy Peregrym. Australian guys must really like Heroes. Or Reaper.
91. Ivanka Trump.
92. Ellen Page. "It started with a chair..."
93. Mila Kunis.
94. Kristen Bell. You know you love her.
95. Emmanuelle Chriqui.
96. Natalie Blair.
97. Natalie Barr.
98. Katie Holmes. Time was when she'd have done so much better.
99. Ujjwala Raut.
100. Abbey Clancy. That's loyalty to the mother country for you.

Spanish rundown tomorrow, and the list of people who turn up on every list reduces further.

The Do You Really Want To Hear About The Mayoral Elections? Thought Not Post

There are already loads of bloggings about those most beautiful lists in general and FHM's UK and US ones in particular. Only a blogger with nothing else coming to mind would do another one. With that in mind, only people who I have some kind of interest in will be commented on, even unto explaining who they are. Favourites in bold, women who also made the US list in Verdana, both in both.

100. Holly Willoughby.
99. Marion Cotillard. Amazing how the makeup people made someone so foxy look so hideous... there's the key to an Oscar.
98. Victoria Beckham.
97. Roxanne McKee.
96. Nicola Roberts.
95. Dannii Minogue. The Hilary to Kylie's Haylie, in fanciability terms rather than success.
94. Billie Piper. I'm still not watching Doctor Who or The Secret Diary of a Call Girl though.
93. Kylie Minogue.
92. April Scott.
91. Kirstie Allsopp.
90. Amber Heard. Bears further investigation.
89. Kristen Bell. Veronica Mars! Elle Bishop! Gossip Girl! And how much UK press has she gotten for Forgetting Sarah Marshall? F. all. (Sadly, I'm obliged to see this as the main character composes for film...)
88. Odette Yustman.
87. Hannah Spearritt. You'd think she'd be higher than her fellow ex-S Clubber what with Hannah having a steady gig on Primeval. But nope...
86. Ellen Page.
85. Gloria De Piero.
84. Katie Holmes. Can she break away from Mr. Cruise before it's too late?
83. Katherine Jenkins. The lower-placed of the two Welsh operatic women herein, wrongly methinks.
82. Michelle Ryan. If Bionic Woman had been a big hit, you just know she'd be a lot higher.
81. Anna Kournikova. One of several former chart-toppers to be here in the Horse Latitudes (though at least she made the list - unlike Jennifer Lopez, Gillian Anderson, Teri Hatcher and Claudia Schiffer).
80. Agyness Deyn.
79. Mary Elizabeth Winstead. So much foxier than Bruce Willis's real daughter.
78. Gwen Stefani. Has been known to claim she's not sexy. Liar. (Bonus points for being one of six women I voted for to make the list in the UK.)
77. Denise Richards.
76. Chelsea Davy. It's not what you know, it's...

75. Petra Nemcova. Now happily single after Sean Penn gave his wife another chance. Thus improving both of them.
74. Stacy Keibler.
73. Tricia Helfer.
72. Eva Green. Bolded not for Casino Royale but The Golden Compass, oddly.
71. Fearne Cotton.
70. Sienna Miller.
69. Mandy Moore.
68. Nadine Velazquez.
67. Milla Jovovich.
66. Kimberly Walsh.
65. Emily Scott.
64. Ali Larter. The second of three Heroes ladies on this list. Bet you can't guess who the third is (clue: Not Cristine Rose).
63. Alexa Chung. A T4 presenter. Pretty but slagged off a lot.
62. Holly Valance.
61. Vanessa Hudgens. Yes! It's only a matter of time until Miley Cyrus makes her debut.
60. Cameron Diaz. You have to have Cameron Diaz every year. It's the law.
59. Charlotte McKenna.
58. Marisa Miller.
57. Jennifer Garner.
56. Mischa Barton. Mike wishes Rachel had Mischa's attitude towards nudity. Then again, Rachel's last few projects haven't had straight-to-DVD all over them.
55. Abbey Clancy.
54. Evangeline Lilly.
53. Shakira.
52. Carmen Electra.
51. Emma Griffiths. TV presenter, I think.

50. Rachel McAdams.
49. Nicole Scherzinger.
48. Kristin Kreuk.
47. Monica Bellucci. Stunner though she is, the fellow on FSM's board who rightly hailed her hotness is nonetheless on my ignore list (you do NOT diss the Alba around me).
46. Halle Berry.
45. Katherine Heigl.
44. Alesha Dixon.
43. Nadine Coyle.
42. Bar Refaeli. Leonardo DiCaprio trades up.
41. Lindsay Lohan.
40. Heidi Klum.
39. Natalie Portman.
38. Olga Kurylenko.
37. Avril Lavigne. Because she may be annoying, but she's supremely sexy and annoying.
36. Sarah Harding.
35. Eva Mendes. Own-brand Cindy Crawford cannot and never will be bolded, not even with that ass.
34. Kelly Brook.
33. Emma Watson.
32. Sarah Michelle Gellar.
31. Britney Spears.
30. Maria Sharapova.
29. Rachel Stevens.
28. Charlize Theron.
27. Jennifer Aniston.
26. Jessica Simpson. Favourited because I still prefer her to Ashlee.
25. Salma Hayek. How did she not make the US list? Oh dear.
24. Sophia Bush. How'd she score higher in the UK list than the US one? One Tree Hill must have more of a British following than I thought.
23. Ana Ivanović. Tennis player. Apparently hotter than Maria Sharapova or Anna Kournikova.
22. Gisele Bundchen.
21. Adriana Lima.
20. Christina Aguilera.
19. Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm not sure she deserves to be TV Guide's Sexiest Woman on TV, but she's certainly one of 'em.
18. Gemma Atkinson.
17. Beyoncé Knowles.
16. Rachel Bilson.
15. Alessandra Ambrosio.
14. Eva Longoria (Parker).
13. Jessica Biel.
12. Kate Beckinsale.
11. Rihanna. Or as I've started to call her after hearing her new single, Riyoncé (Rihanna + Beyoncé, get it?).
10. Keira Knightley.
9. Angelina Jolie.
8. Hilary Duff. Egotastic! still can't believe how hot she is. I knew that from Agent Cody Banks, darn it.
7. Cheryl Cole.
6. Scarlett Johansson. Her singing isn't that bad, folks.
5. Hayden Panettiere. Do I have to elaborate? (The youngest woman in the top 10 for the second year in a row, and also - I believe - the highest-ranked young 'un on the US list at #11).
4. Elisha Cuthbert.
3. Keeley Hazell. I have to say, though, that she's no Samantha Fox in the singing department.

2. Jessica Alba. Even a heavily pregnant Jessica Alba > quite a few here. Including...
1. Megan Fox.

Alas, Cindy wasn't there.

The It Actually Works! Post.

Even though I already gave my two cents to FHM, I gave Keeley's Lady Selector a whirl, just to see what would happen if I tried that.

I went through it twice - once for brunettes, once for blondes (you can also go for bald, but I didn't try that) and it has to lose points for only letting you choose either British or American women (er, hello? France? Australia? Asia?). But it gets some back for Keeley being very, very attractive even when she talks (mentioning no names, but some of these men's magazine regulars - when they open their mouths you suddenly understand how sound ruined some stars' careers after the silent era).

Anyway, once I gave the system my choices, it came up with the following five women for brunettes:
Maggie Gyllenhaal
Katie Holmes
Natalie Portman
Ellen Page
and Jessica Alba.

And for blondes I drew:
Amber Heard
Ali Larter
Blake Lively
Katherine Heigl
and Hayden Panettiere.

(I couldn't remember Blake at first so I went back, inputted again and got Ashley Olsen and Elisha Cuthbert in place of Amber and Blake. Trading down there, really. And then I edited this post from what was originally published this morning.) A good enough average so that I can give this a ringing endorsement. Not enough to buy the current issue, but enough to maybe put Keeley on staff.

Bring on the weekend.

Ken, who updates his blog about as often as Michelle Williams has a hit record, sent me clips of Paula Marshall on Californication - since he doesn't update, and since this blog doesn't do NSFW pictures, see snaps here. You now know how she could have done something about her reputation as a show killer (plus copious nudity would only have made the already-good Cupid even better. Granted, Channel 5 ran all fifteen episodes in an afternoon slot (and they've never been repeated), but...).

Meanwhile, even though Hayden Panettiere's FHM spread is all over the Net, I've decided to save myself and wait until actually buying the magazine (and only in the version with her solo cover - no offence, Masi Oka [a rare case of FHM having a guy on the cover, even if he shares space on one with her] ) ... the last time I did something like this, even unto deleting pictures unopened in my inbox, was with Cindy's last Playboy spread. That says a lot about the young lady. In fact, what with her magazine shoot and a Blades of Glory score CD coming out (and not download-only like some Lakeshore albums) it's all good.

Finally managed to get Cindy and her offspring up. That family must need a whole forest's worth of sticks to beat them off with.

I don't think this requires explanation.

The FHM 95 (not 100, not yet)

Since every country's FHM list is different, you can't have one be proclaimed the ultimate; which is why I decided to try and compile one massive Sexiest Women in the World list based on their votes. This is based on the five complete lists I've managed to get so far (UK, USA, Australia, France and Germany) - if anyone can get me the rest of the various 100s so I can update it that would be fabulous.

But first, a few notes:
1. Points are determined according to their positions on the various lists (a #1 placing gets 100 points, a #2 gets 99 and so on). In the event of a tie with the totals, the highest position on any list determines who comes in higher. (If there's another tie even with that, it comes down to alphabetical order.)
2. Anyone who only appears on one country's list is discounted. You have to be on at least two, since this is an international list. The more lists, the more people and therefore the more points.
3. Er... that's it.

And now, without further ado...

1. Jessica Alba (496 points, highest position 1 on UK/US/Germany lists)
2. Scarlett Johansson (485, 2 Aus)
3. Eva Longoria (432, 2 France)
4. Angelina Jolie (413, 2 Germany)
5. Keeley Hazell (389, 1 Aus)
6. Keira Knightley (373, 9 US)
7. Christina Aguilera (352, 8 France)
8. Elisha Cuthbert (340, 10 UK)
9. Jessica Biel (334, 7 UK)
10. Beyonce Knowles (328, 17 France)
11. Carmen Electra (309, 22 UK)
12. Lindsay Lohan (305, 30 UK)
13. Eva Mendes (304, 11 UK)
14. Halle Berry (301, 14 France)
15. Alyssa Milano (295, 17 Germany)
16. Jessica Simpson (294, 14 Germany)
17. Adriana Lima (268, 4 UK)
18. Jennifer Love Hewitt (268, 14 US)
19. Kate Beckinsale (263, 13 US)
20. Evangeline Lilly (259, 13 UK)
21. Cameron Diaz (258, 20 UK)
22. Shakira (256, 7 Germany)
23. Nicole Scherzinger (253, 22 UK)
24. Charlize Theron (249, 18 Germany)
25. Gisele Bundchen (226, 4 US)
26. Maria Sharapova (226, 11 US)
27. Jennifer Aniston (216, 16 Germany)
28. Eva Green (213, 19 Aus)
29. Jennifer Lopez (197, 20 Germany)
30. Ali Larter (192, 8 Aus)
31. Nelly Furtado (188, 5 Germany)
32. Emily Scott (188, 9 UK)
33. Avril Lavigne (188, 29 UK)
34. Rihanna (184, 17 Aus)
35. Natalie Portman (183, 31 US)
36. Kirsten Dunst (181, 23 France)
37. Kate Moss (180, 31 Germany)
38. Alessandra Ambrosio (178, 5 US)
39. Hayden Panettiere (176, 6 UK)
40. Rachel Bilson (170, 34 UK)
41. Victoria Silvstedt (164, 40 Aus)
42. Sienna Miller (160, 11 Aus)
43. Britney Spears (154, 26 Germany)
44. Abigail Clancy (153, 12 Aus)
45. Jaime Pressly (149, 15 Aus)
46. Penelope Cruz (146, 38 US)
47. Heidi Klum (145, 11 Germany)
48. Katherine Heigl (138, 32 US)
49. Holly Valance (136, 18 Aus)
50. Paris Hilton (134, 19 Germany)
51. Jenna Jameson (134, 37 US)
52. Kristin Kreuk (134, 45 Germany)
53. Mischa Barton (127, 25 Germany)
54. Hilary Duff (124, 62 UK/US)
55. Clara Morgane (122, 13 France)
56. Salma Hayek (120, 18 US)
57. Rachel McAdams (120, 34 US)
58. Jennifer Garner (119, 53 US)
59. Tera Patrick (116, 59 US)
60. Megan Fox (114, 23 Aus)
61. Brooke Burke (114, 33 US)
62. Melissa Theuriau (113, 1 France)
63. Tara Reid (112, 12 Germany)
64. Pamela Anderson (112, 64 US)
65. Reese Witherspoon (111, 42 Germany)
66. Vida Guerra (107, 23 US)
67. Diora Baird (101, 25 Aus)
68. Kelly Carlson (100, 50 Aus)
69. Sarah Michelle Gellar (97, 51 France)
70. Gemma Atkinson (94, 16 Aus)
71. Gwen Stefani (91, 58 US)
72. Mariah Carey (86, 45 US)
73. Vanessa Marcil (85, 55 US)
74. Petra Nemcova (85, 57 US)
75. Kate Middleton (79, 25 UK)
76. Stacy Ferguson (79, 44 US)
77. Ana Beatriz Barros (70, 51 UK)
78. Lucy Liu (68, 52 US)
79. Kristin Cavallari (63, 48 US)
80. Tricia Helfer (60, 63 US)
81. Joanna Krupa (60, 66 Aus)
82. Kari Byron (59, 54 Aus)
83. Josie Maran (53, 63 Aus)
84. Teri Hatcher (53, 73 US)
85. Jennifer Ellison (51, 64 Aus)
86. Dita von Teese (51, 65 France)
87. Elizabeth Hurley (51, 70 US)
88. Cassie (43, 69 France)
89. Nikki Sanderson (42, 72 UK)
90. Pink (41, 64 Germany)
91. Uma Thurman (31, 83 US)
92. Kate Hudson (30, 82 Aus)
93. Sophia Bush (23, 89 US)
94. Christina Milian (12, 93 Germany)
95. Naomi Watts (12, 93 US)

What does this teach us?
1. Nicole Scherzinger defines being honoured more abroad than at home; had she made it to the US 100 (as she did with the other lists included here) she'd have come even higher.
2. Hayden Panettiere would undoubtedly have come even higher were she 18 (she remains the youngest person to get into something like this).
3. It helps to be on an American TV show; among the one-list vote-getters are Without a Trace's Roselyn Sanchez (Germany) and Prison Break's Robin Tunney (France).
4. UK FHM's attempts to persuade readers that millions the world over voted for their models and Girls Aloud are flawed.
5. Katharine McPhee hasn't exported yet.