The These Two People Should NOT Be Seen Together Post.

Last night the Royal/World Premiere of Tim Burton's take on Alice In Wonderland was held at the Odeon in Leicester Square (now that the threatened boycott is no more). All the stars were there along with a lot of the behind-the-scenes folks - I wasn't there, though.

But the great Danny Elfman was there, and of all the pictures StitchKingdom put up of the night's festivities, he only appears in one. Weirdly, it's one which he shares with Prince Charles and... Avril Lavigne. This one. (The musically-challenged but intensely bangable Avril chips in with a ditty over the closing credits, one of the few songs on the Almost Alice CD that's actually in the film - if not the only one. Interestingly, the fine-assed chanteuse is absent from the Elfman score album.) The look on his face suggests he's fully aware he's been sighted standing next to Avril Lavigne and probably isn't too happy about it. Or is it just wishful thinking on my part?

I refuse to believe Burton had anything to do with Avril's involvement (I blame commercial pressures, and people who forgot about Avril's horrible contribution to Eragon). Lots more pics here.

The FHM 95 (not 100, not yet)

Since every country's FHM list is different, you can't have one be proclaimed the ultimate; which is why I decided to try and compile one massive Sexiest Women in the World list based on their votes. This is based on the five complete lists I've managed to get so far (UK, USA, Australia, France and Germany) - if anyone can get me the rest of the various 100s so I can update it that would be fabulous.

But first, a few notes:
1. Points are determined according to their positions on the various lists (a #1 placing gets 100 points, a #2 gets 99 and so on). In the event of a tie with the totals, the highest position on any list determines who comes in higher. (If there's another tie even with that, it comes down to alphabetical order.)
2. Anyone who only appears on one country's list is discounted. You have to be on at least two, since this is an international list. The more lists, the more people and therefore the more points.
3. Er... that's it.

And now, without further ado...

1. Jessica Alba (496 points, highest position 1 on UK/US/Germany lists)
2. Scarlett Johansson (485, 2 Aus)
3. Eva Longoria (432, 2 France)
4. Angelina Jolie (413, 2 Germany)
5. Keeley Hazell (389, 1 Aus)
6. Keira Knightley (373, 9 US)
7. Christina Aguilera (352, 8 France)
8. Elisha Cuthbert (340, 10 UK)
9. Jessica Biel (334, 7 UK)
10. Beyonce Knowles (328, 17 France)
11. Carmen Electra (309, 22 UK)
12. Lindsay Lohan (305, 30 UK)
13. Eva Mendes (304, 11 UK)
14. Halle Berry (301, 14 France)
15. Alyssa Milano (295, 17 Germany)
16. Jessica Simpson (294, 14 Germany)
17. Adriana Lima (268, 4 UK)
18. Jennifer Love Hewitt (268, 14 US)
19. Kate Beckinsale (263, 13 US)
20. Evangeline Lilly (259, 13 UK)
21. Cameron Diaz (258, 20 UK)
22. Shakira (256, 7 Germany)
23. Nicole Scherzinger (253, 22 UK)
24. Charlize Theron (249, 18 Germany)
25. Gisele Bundchen (226, 4 US)
26. Maria Sharapova (226, 11 US)
27. Jennifer Aniston (216, 16 Germany)
28. Eva Green (213, 19 Aus)
29. Jennifer Lopez (197, 20 Germany)
30. Ali Larter (192, 8 Aus)
31. Nelly Furtado (188, 5 Germany)
32. Emily Scott (188, 9 UK)
33. Avril Lavigne (188, 29 UK)
34. Rihanna (184, 17 Aus)
35. Natalie Portman (183, 31 US)
36. Kirsten Dunst (181, 23 France)
37. Kate Moss (180, 31 Germany)
38. Alessandra Ambrosio (178, 5 US)
39. Hayden Panettiere (176, 6 UK)
40. Rachel Bilson (170, 34 UK)
41. Victoria Silvstedt (164, 40 Aus)
42. Sienna Miller (160, 11 Aus)
43. Britney Spears (154, 26 Germany)
44. Abigail Clancy (153, 12 Aus)
45. Jaime Pressly (149, 15 Aus)
46. Penelope Cruz (146, 38 US)
47. Heidi Klum (145, 11 Germany)
48. Katherine Heigl (138, 32 US)
49. Holly Valance (136, 18 Aus)
50. Paris Hilton (134, 19 Germany)
51. Jenna Jameson (134, 37 US)
52. Kristin Kreuk (134, 45 Germany)
53. Mischa Barton (127, 25 Germany)
54. Hilary Duff (124, 62 UK/US)
55. Clara Morgane (122, 13 France)
56. Salma Hayek (120, 18 US)
57. Rachel McAdams (120, 34 US)
58. Jennifer Garner (119, 53 US)
59. Tera Patrick (116, 59 US)
60. Megan Fox (114, 23 Aus)
61. Brooke Burke (114, 33 US)
62. Melissa Theuriau (113, 1 France)
63. Tara Reid (112, 12 Germany)
64. Pamela Anderson (112, 64 US)
65. Reese Witherspoon (111, 42 Germany)
66. Vida Guerra (107, 23 US)
67. Diora Baird (101, 25 Aus)
68. Kelly Carlson (100, 50 Aus)
69. Sarah Michelle Gellar (97, 51 France)
70. Gemma Atkinson (94, 16 Aus)
71. Gwen Stefani (91, 58 US)
72. Mariah Carey (86, 45 US)
73. Vanessa Marcil (85, 55 US)
74. Petra Nemcova (85, 57 US)
75. Kate Middleton (79, 25 UK)
76. Stacy Ferguson (79, 44 US)
77. Ana Beatriz Barros (70, 51 UK)
78. Lucy Liu (68, 52 US)
79. Kristin Cavallari (63, 48 US)
80. Tricia Helfer (60, 63 US)
81. Joanna Krupa (60, 66 Aus)
82. Kari Byron (59, 54 Aus)
83. Josie Maran (53, 63 Aus)
84. Teri Hatcher (53, 73 US)
85. Jennifer Ellison (51, 64 Aus)
86. Dita von Teese (51, 65 France)
87. Elizabeth Hurley (51, 70 US)
88. Cassie (43, 69 France)
89. Nikki Sanderson (42, 72 UK)
90. Pink (41, 64 Germany)
91. Uma Thurman (31, 83 US)
92. Kate Hudson (30, 82 Aus)
93. Sophia Bush (23, 89 US)
94. Christina Milian (12, 93 Germany)
95. Naomi Watts (12, 93 US)

What does this teach us?
1. Nicole Scherzinger defines being honoured more abroad than at home; had she made it to the US 100 (as she did with the other lists included here) she'd have come even higher.
2. Hayden Panettiere would undoubtedly have come even higher were she 18 (she remains the youngest person to get into something like this).
3. It helps to be on an American TV show; among the one-list vote-getters are Without a Trace's Roselyn Sanchez (Germany) and Prison Break's Robin Tunney (France).
4. UK FHM's attempts to persuade readers that millions the world over voted for their models and Girls Aloud are flawed.
5. Katharine McPhee hasn't exported yet.

Avril Lavigne is the new David Byrne.

Years ago, Zeta (my younger, much smarter and more successful sister) told me that David Byrne had the right idea going into movies because his singing left something to be desired. Similarly, Avril Lavigne's best moment to date is voicing William Shatner's daughter in Over the Hedge, not least because she doesn't sing a note. (On the other hand, the end credits of Eragon have the pintsized skid mark belting her heart out. No wonder it underperformed.) All of which doesn't take away from "Girlfriend" being less unbearable than usual, even if it's so conceited it could be by Kelis.

Too bad it's real easy to go "Oh Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind" to the chorus. Try it.