The Rosanna And Lindsay Meet Again! Post.

Alttiere update: FlashForward starts this coming Monday on Five (just days after its US premiere) and Modern Family, Glee and The Vampire Diaries have UK homes as well - coming to Sky1, E4 and ITV2 respectively. But I hope Eastwick gets bought soon. Why?

Because of the ever-busy Rosanna Arquette coming on board. Only for two episodes, admittedly, but still. Rosanna guested on co-star Lindsay Price's previous series Lipstick Jungle, hence the post title (Lipstick Jungle was shown in Britain on the most likely home of Eastwick, Living - home of Charmed, Most Haunted, Living With The Dead, Ghost Whisperer, the new runs of Medium and Supernatural, the shows with Scott Mills and David Hasselhoff and other stuff about unearthly happenings).

So that's something to hope for, and I promise not to miss it like I did Lipstick Jungle (but not, for some reason, that episode of Dirt where Rosanna kissed Ashley "Gretchen Grundler" Johnson)... although the complete series is available on R2 DVD anyway. As is Cashmere Mafia (not shown in the UK), but that's another story.

The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post.

Oooh, I love this time of year, when the networks announce their new shows with the LA Screenings coming up, and we get an idea of what new US shows will be on the cable and terrestrial channels's shopping lists. At least there are more (and more interesting sounding) shows than last year's crop (The Mentalist? Go away), and since someone else came up with the acronym SAOR (Shallow And Obvious Reasons) but I came up with Alttiere I'll stick with that. (The Alttiere Factor is about whether or not there are attractive ladies in the cast - named in honour of Jessica Alba and Hayden Panettiere.)

As ever, we're not including unscripted shows, series switching homes (Medium is moving from NBC to CBS), or cable shows (but we should, perhaps, note the demise of Battlestar Galactica, Kyle XY, The L Word, The Shield, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, The Emperor's New School and Stargate Atlantis).





This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Rosanna Arquette.

ABC
Copper
From The Good Folks At: Thump, Inc. and E1 Entertainment.
What's It About? It's "a youthful, heartfelt, one-hour, character-driven workplace drama about five rookie cops plunged into the high stakes world of big city policing - a world where even the smallest mistake can have life-or-death consequences." Ah, so it's The Rookies of our day.
Wil I Check It Out? No idea.
Alttiere Factor: No idea.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not something I'd bet on.

Cougar Town
From The Good Folks At: Doozer, Coquette Productions and ABC Studios.
What's It About? A woman in her 40s who gets in a relationship with a - duh-duh-DUHHHHH! - younger man. Friends once did an episode where Monica basically committed statutory rape; this is now spun out to a whole series. It even has Courteney Cox-Arquette!
Will I Check It Out? Apart from the episode with Courteney's sister-in-law up there, I couldn't be bothered with her last series Dirt. The same may apply here.
Alttiere Factor: From Courteney, not much. But Busy Philipps is another story!
Chances Of Being In The UK: Very good. Fiver, Five US, Living and the ilk.

The Deep End
From The Good Folks At: Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? Well, they could have called it The Young Lawyers, but another show got there first in the 1970s.
Will I Check It Out? Unlikely.
Alttiere Factor: Leah Pipes and Tina Majorino are capable of floating the odd boat.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not out of the question.

Eastwick
From The Good Folks At: Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? It's The Witches Of Eastwick: The TV Show, with Paul "Benton Fraser" Gross as a much more plausible attractive devil than Jack Nicholson. Presumably Veronica Cartwright won't be playing the character she played in the movie (you know, the one who got killed).
Will I Check It Out? I might. It can't be worse than the book, and it might be better than the movie.
Alttiere Factor: Lindsay Price, Sara Rue, and Rebecca freaking Romijn. Well played.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Good.

Flash Forward
From The Good Folks At: ABC Studios.
What's It About? Everyone in the world gets a vision of the future in 21 years. What happens next?
Will I Check It Out? It's certainly an intriguing idea. If only the last TV series to involve Brannon Braga and David S. Goyer hadn't been the boring-as-all-hell Threshold...
Alttiere Factor: The only name that leaps out is Sonya Walger, but that's enough.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Extremely good.

The Forgotten
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Jerry Bruckheimer Television and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A group of amateur detectives who specialise in not only finding out who killed people, but also who the victims are. It's also about Jerry Bruckheimer trying to expand his TV success to other nets (he has yet to have a hit show on an American network not called CBS).
Will I Check It Out? I think I will.
Alttiere Factor: Michelle Dessler lives! One of the detectives is foxy Reiko Aylesworth, so I'm sold.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Detective show, Bruckheimer... I'd say it'll get a home.

Hank
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., McMonkey Inc., Grammnet Productions, Werner Entertainment and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A Wall Street bigshot whose career falls apart, and has to go back to his hometown and family. With hilarious consequences.
Will I Check It Out? That last sentence might be for real, with a crew of sitcom veterans (Kelsey Grammer as Hank, James Burrows, Everybody Loves Raymond veteran Tucker Cawley). Then again...
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent, it has to be said.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Between Grammer's involvement and Comedy Central and Channel 4, not bad.

Happy Town
From The Good Folks At: ABC Studios.
What's It About? Seven years after a small town was plagued by kidnappings, another crime affects the place...
Will I Check it Out? I'm not entirely sure about that, Scott Rosenberg's involvement notwithstanding. Alttiere Factor: Amy Acker means the Joss Whedon fans are sold. (Although it means she won't be on Dollhouse any more.)
Chances Of Being In The UK: Not out of the question.

The Middle
From The Good Folks At: Konk, Inc. and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A middle-class wife/mother/car salesman in the middle of America. So not one for the edgy crowd.
Will I Check It Out? Unlikely...
Alttiere Factor: Creators Deann Heline and Eileen Heisler previously had Jennifer Finnigan in Committed. This one has Patricia Heaton. Not trading up.
Chances Of Being In The UK: Doesn't immediately say "Buy me," but Living...

Modern Family
From The Good Folks At: Levitan/Lloyd Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A sitcom shot documentary-style focusing on three different families. From sitcom veterans Christopher Lloyd (not that one) and Steven Levitan...
Will I Check It Out? ...so quite possibly yes.
Alttiere Factor: One of the families features Julie Bowen, another one features Sofia Vergara... result.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This sounds like it'll get a home.

V
From The Good Folks At: HDFilms and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? It's a new version of Kenneth Johnson's alien-invasion miniseries. Expect terms like "dark" to be flung about with regularity.
Will I Check It Out? Yes. I don't expect it to have the same impact as Diana's guinea pig swallowing or (in the Johnson-less sequel) Robin's C-section, but I hope it'll top the later regular series.
Alttiere Factor: Morena Baccarin, Lourdes Benedicto, Elizabeth Mitchell, Laura Vandervoort... plenty there for the straight guys and lesbians, which is what this post is interested in. Just deal.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This WILL come to the UK. Sky and Virgin1 (and possibly ITV's digital channels) are airing their chequebooks as we speak.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Elisabeth Harnois.

CBS
Accidentally on Purpose
From The Good Folks At: BermanBraun and CBS Television Studios (the new name for CBS Paramount Television).
What's It About? A film critic who becomes a single mum after a one night stand.
Will I Check It Out? Probably not.
Alttiere Factor: Jenna Elfman and Ashley Jensen. Not for me.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: It might happen.

The Bridge
From The Good Folks At: E1 Entertainment, 990 Multi Media Entertainment Company, Jonsworth Productions, the CTV Television Network (yep, it's another US/Canadian venture) and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A cop who becomes the head of the police union.
Will I Check It Out? I've been not making time for cop shows lately, so...
Alttiere Factor: Inga Cadranel and Theresa Joy are new to me. Ona Grauer, less so. Not sure.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: If Flashpoint is any indication, good.

The Good Wife
From The Good Folks At: Scott Free Productions and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? The wife of a district attorney who goes to prison, and who therefore has to return to work as a lawyer.
Will I Check It Out? Not out of the question. But not many people watched the last time Julianna Margulies played a lawyer (Canterbury's Law).
Alttiere Factor: With her and Christine Baranski, not high. If only Makenzie Vega was a year older.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Dunno. But never discount the involvement of Ridley and Tony Scott. Or David Zucker.

Miami Trauma
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions, Jerry Bruckeimer Television and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? Trauma surgeons in Miami - it does exactly what it says on the tin. Written by Jeffrey Lieber, who wrote the original pilot script for Lost before J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof got their mitts on it.
Will I Check It Out? I just might, you know.
Alttiere Factor: High - not only Elisabeth Harnois (so beautiful I endured Point Pleasant far longer than I otherwise would have) but also Lana Parrilla (welcome back after Boomtown).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: High. Medical shows sell well.

NCIS: Los Angeles
From The Good Folks At: CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A spinoff of NCIS (which in turn is a spinoff of JAG), it's about a Navy SEAL who works for NCIS in, well, Los Angeles.
Will I Check It Out? Um, no.
Alttiere Factor: Louise Lombard do you? UPDATE: Since this was posted, Louise is out and Linda Hunt is in (not the first time in this television universe that a key female player's been replaced by someone significantly less sexy - Andrea Parker played Harm's partner in the JAG pilot, but in the series she got replaced first by Tracey Needham and then by Catherine Bell).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: NCIS is a reliable performer for both FX and Five. This'll come over.

Three Rivers
From The Good Folks At: Deuce Three Productions and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? It's a medical show, focusing on organ transplants from all angles.
Will I Check It Out? I may or may not. Probably not.
Alttiere Factor: Katherine Moennig and Justina Machado make up for Alfre Woodard (replacing Julia Ormond).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Don't count it out.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Monica Bellucci.

CW
The Beautiful Life
From The Good Folks At: Katalyst Films, CBS Television Studios and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? Young up-and-coming models in New York and their ups and downs. Mostly downs. Shepherded by Ashton Kutcher.
Will I Check It Out? I probably will, but will this succeed where Models Inc. and Paper Dolls failed?
Alttiere Factor: High - Sara Paxton, Mischa Barton, Ashley Madekwe, and Elle Macpherson. The Elle Macpherson.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Guaranteed. E4 or Living, I bet.

Melrose Place
From The Good Folks At: CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? Having updated 90210, the spinoff gets the same treatment.
Will I Check It Out? No. I had no time for the original and I have no time for any redo.
Alttiere Factor: On the one hand, there's Jessica Lucas, Katie Cassidy and Josie Bissett (one of several returnees from the original). On the other hand, there's Stephanie Jacobsen and Ashlee Simpson. The Ashlee Simpson. So the pilots with her and Mischa Barton sold but those with Amanda Bynes and Hilary Duff didn't? I protest.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Likely to.

Parental Discretion Advised
From The Good Folks At: Mojo Films, CBS Television Studios and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A teenage girl wants to get emancipated from the parents she never knew, but winds up in their temporart joint custody.
Will I Check It Out? I may do, if it shows up over here.
Alttiere Factor: The mom in this scenario is Shiri Appleby, making a welcome return to television.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not great - it doesn't sound like something they'll be keen on.

The Vampire Diaries
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Alloy Entertainment, Warner Bros. Television and CBS Television Studios.
What's It About? A teenage girl is the apex of a love triangle between two brothers - one's good and one's evil, one's a vampire and one's, er, a vampire. From the people beind Gossip Girl, and Kevin Williamson.
Will I Check It Out? Yes. Even though it was clearly greenlighted after Twilight.
Alttiere Factor: Although Nina Dobrev is a new name to me, shows like this usually remember to have decent eye candy for both sexes.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: I bet it does.


This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Laetitia Casta.

FOX
Brothers
From The Good Folks At: Impact Zone Productions, Tantamount and Sony Pictures Television.
What's It About? A retired footballer who goes back home, reuniting with his brother whose football career ended after a car accident (played by Daryl "Chill" Mitchell from Galaxy Quest and Veronica's Closet, who really is confined to wheelchairs now).
Will I Check it Out? Mitchell Hurwitz (Arrested Development) and Don Reo (Blossom, My Wife And Kids) are involved, so yes.
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent. (CCH Pounder? Leave off.)
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Dunno.

The Cleveland Show
From The Good Folks At: Fuzzy Door Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? Cleveland gets his own show and moves from Rhode Island (and Family Guy) to Virginia. This was supposed to start last season, by the way.
Will I Check It Out? I might do.
Alttiere Factor: If this was live-action, it wouldn't do badly in this department. But Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long are voice-only, this being a cartoon and all...
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Very good. FX and BBC3 have done well with both Family Guy and American Dad!

Glee
From The Good Folks At: Ryan Murphy Productions and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A high school teacher's bid to restore the prior glory of his school's glee club.
Will I Check It Out? From Ryan Murphy, who gave us Popular and Nip/Tuck. So that's a yes.
Alttiere Factor: Jayma Mays and Jessalyn Gilsig... I am so there.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: I sure hope so; this sounds just the thing for me. Or Hallmark. Or Channel 4.

Human Target
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc., Wonderland Sound & Vision, DC Comics and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A private detective/bodyguard who impersonates his clients to protect them.
Will I Check It Out? Despite the fact that the pilot's directed by Simon West, yes.
Alttiere Factor: No idea yet, but when has a series based on a comic book not had anyone fanciable? (Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane notwithstanding.)
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Excellent. Even Birds Of Prey made it to UK screens.

Past Life
From The Good Folks At: Bonanza Productions Inc. and Warner Bros. Television.
What's It About? A series about two investigators who delve into mysteries the key to which lies in clients'... well, the title and the source (MJ Rose's novel The Reincarnationist) should fill you in.
Will I Check It Out? I might.
Alttiere Factor: Not immediately apparent. West Wing/Australian Soap Factor is closer (Richard Schiff and Nicholas Bishop respectively).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not massive. But you never know.

Sons of Tucson
From The Good Folks At: J2TV/J2 Pictures (pick one!) and Twentieth Century Fox Television.
What's It About? A fellow who has to pretend to be the dad of three brothers when their real dad goes to prison. Executive produced by Justin "Reese from Malcolm in the Middle" Berfield, who should know the territory.
Will I Check It Out? To be honest, maybe not.
Alttiere Factor: It's all up to you, Natalie Martinez.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: If it does well for Fox, Sky here it comes.

This portion of The Alttiere Guide To The New US Shows Post is brought to you by Hayden Panettiere.

NBC
100 Questions
From The Good Folks At: Tagline Television and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? A woman looking for her Mr. Right who joins an online dating site, which requires her to answer 100 questions on the compatibility test.
Will I Check It Out? Anything with a built-in target is living on borrowed time, so no.
Alttiere Factor: Sophie Winkleman looks cute.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Anything with a UK link seems to get bought, so...

Community
From The Good Folks At: Krasnoff/Foster Entertainment, Harmonious Claptrap, Russo Brothers, Universal Media Studios and Sony Pictures Television.
What's It About? A lawyer who's been disbarred forms a college study group made up of misfits (aren't they all) and learn about... yep, themselves.
Will I Check It Out? The Russo brothers of Arrested Development fame plus Joel McHale of The Soup equals "Yes." Chevy Chase is not a factor.
Alttiere Factor: IMDb indicates Gillian Jacobs and Alison Brie are cute.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Not bad, I'd say.

Day One
From The Good Folks At: Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? It's after a massive global catastrophe, focusing on a small group of survivors.
Will I Check It Out? As long as it's not the next Jericho, yes. The involvement of Jesse Alexander (Heroes, Lost, Alias) is encouraging...
Alttiere Factor: ...as is the presence of Julie Gonzalo (Veronica Mars) and Carly Pope (Popular).
Chances Of Coming To The UK: This has Sky One, Virgin 1, BBC2 or Sci-Fi written all over it.

Mercy
From The Good Folks At: BermanBraun and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? A medical drama seen from the nurses' point of view. "Unique," it says here - Angels, Nurses and Nightingales apparently don't count.
Will I Check It Out? Yes...
Alttiere Factor: ...because one of said nurses is Michelle Trachtenberg.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: See Miami Trauma.

Parenthood
From The Good Folks At: Imagine Television and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? The second TV series based on the hit movie of the same name focusing on the joys and pains of a family filled with parents.
Will I Check It Out? It has a fine pedigree both behind the cameras (Jason Katims, Thomas Schlamme, Ron Howard) and in front (Bonnie Bedelia, Peter Krause, Craig T. Nelson et al), so yes.
Alttiere Factor: Erika Christensen, Sarah Ramos, Maura Tierney, Monica Potter... not bad going, really.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Hallmark, or More4. Maybe even Channel 4.

Trauma
From The Good Folks At: Film 44 and Universal Media Studios.
What's It About? Paramedics in action. Basically, Emergency! for the noughties (so it'll probably get more viewers than the same suppliers' Friday Night Lights). Not to be confused with Miami Trauma.
Will I Check It Out? Um.... yes.
Alttiere Factor: Not entirely sure about Aimee Garcia and Anastasia Griffith, but in this case it might not matter.
Chances Of Coming To The UK: Could well find a home.

In Memory Of:

According To Jim
American Gladiators
Boston Legal
The Chopping Block
Crusoe
Cupid
Deal Or No Deal (network version)
Dirty Sexy Money
Do Not Disturb
Eleventh Hour
Eli Stone
ER
Everybody Hates Chris
The Ex-List
The Game
Harper's Island
In The Motherhood
Kath & Kim
King Of The Hill
Kings
Knight Rider
Last Comic Standing
Life
Life On Mars
Lipstick Jungle
MADtv
My Name Is Earl
My Own Worst Enemy
Prison Break
Privileged
Pushing Daisies
Reaper
Samantha Who?
Sit Down, Shut Up
Stylista
Surviving Suburbia
Swingtown
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Unusuals
The Unit
Valentine
Without A Trace
Worst Week
(Shows in italics have aired, or are due to be aired, in the UK.)

And Hilary Duff's pilot Barely Legal. We could have had Hilary Duff every week in a David E. Kelley show, people...

The I Guess I'll Be Seeing At Least One American Pie Movie Post.

In the ten years (!) since American Pie burst onto the world's screens, we've had two big-screen sequels and three DVD followups, exactly none of which I've ever seen. Universal put a stop to that by signing Rosanna Arquette to essentially play Eugene Levy to Bug Hall's Jason Biggs in American Pie: Book Of Love. To at least one blogger's dismay.

And with good reason. Work is work, misunderstand me not, and sightings of Rosanna are never bad - not even in Crash - but do we need yet another reminder of how things have changed for her since the 1980s (and not only because she's a mother of a teenage girl now)? It's bad enough that most of her recent projects have been unpromising-sounding movies made for Lifetime or DVD (Northern Lights, anyone?) - but this? Of course, it could turn out to be a diamond in the rough, but it'll more likely be filed alongside Rush Of Fear and Poison. Maybe more TV is the answer (The L Word, Medium, even Grey's Anatomy... hell, even What About Brian).

That said, the ultimate Rosanna Arquette bummer movies are ones where she's killed off; at least that won't happen here. And there'll finally be a proper MILF in these (no offence to Jennifer Coolidge).

The Happy Birthday Rosanna Post.

Apologies to Tom:

She was my first love. She's gotten four of her finest hours out on Region 1 DVD with The Executioner's Song (and for all the complaining in some quarters that this isn't the version with her nude scenes, you get a clearer story out of it - so I think that's an even swap). She's a mother (of Zoe, illustrated above with her). She's been linked to more musicians than Pamela Des Barres (Steve Porcaro, James Newton Howard, Peter Gabriel, Paul McCartney). She's inspired at least one song ("Rosanna") and possibly two ("In Your Eyes," aka The Song John Cusack Plays For Ione Skye In Say Anything...). She's been in way too many things beneath her (What About Brian? Oh man...), but she's scored some gems to boot. She wiped the floor with Madonna as an actress and as a beauty, and on Dirt and The L Word she wiped the floor with her in the field of same-sex kissing as well. She's still working. She's a fave of mine. She's 49 today. She's hotter than her younger sister. She's Rosanna Lauren Arquette.

The Rosanna Arquette In Stereo Post.

The dire Jean-Claude Van Damme movie (or is that redundant?) Nowhere To Run is playing out on Sky. But it's a dire Jean-Claude Van Damme movie with Rosanna Arquette, and is therefore safe from channel skipping.



The above hails from her episode of Medium, and the below is the first of a series of clip videos of her career to date courtesy some bright spark called mweihn. Watch and see why this woman is in my permanent Hall of Fame.

Happy birthday Rosanna.

Today marks the 48th birthday of Rosanna Arquette. Has it really been that long?

It would have been unthinkable twenty years ago that I'd almost have let it go unmarked. But I did.

But only almost. If I still take peeks at What About Brian, it's for her. That's worth something.

I like Sunday Sundays

What Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is to Defamer, Gilmore girls is likely to be to The Jay - so the CW's announcement that Lorelai the Elder and Lorelai the Younger are leaving the lineup this year will no doubt lead to a celebratory post from him any day now, as well as making the chances of Veronica Mars getting a fourth season slightly better (this is their third hour-long show to be axed after 7th Heaven and Runaway - what are they going to do, show more reruns of America's Next Top Pandering To Tyra's Ego?). Shame on those of us who like both shows, though - but at least Veronica's back on UK screens. Even if it is on Trouble. (Thanks for letting it go, Living - no room for Miss Mars on the lineup but endless hours of Most Haunted, Tyra and the girls, and a reality show with Abigail Clancy and Janice Dickinson? Cheers.)

Meanwhile, Sharon's under more and more financial pressure, and the guilt's weighing on me because I need to move onto something that pays more, so I can help her more... but can I do it? Apparently not.

I need something to perk me up, please. Ah, here we are - two of my Hall of Famers: Rosanna Arquette tying in with What About Brian. And the queen.

These four things... and so on.

1. Rosanna Arquette still makes me happy even after all these years.

2. Being texted to ask if I can turn up at a pub quiz when I'm about to go to bed is the definition of bad timing.

3. There were supposed to be four things here.

4. Hilary Duff should not stand next to Hayden Panettiere.