Saturday, June 30, 2007

Get used to disappointment.

Cindylover1969: Hi Mike.
TheArchivist: Hey, Victor.
Me: Um... can you do me a favour?
Him: I hope I can. What would that be?
Me: You know that CD (The Film Music of Basil Poledourise Vol. 1) I sent you a while back? The one that I thought was a bootleg? And which was in fact a genuine promo? I was wondering if you could... um... copy it for me? If I can't find another copy, that is.
Him: Um... I'd gladly do the favour, but I kind of lost both of the CDs.
Me: That happens.
Him: Sorry. :-(
Me: No harm done.


Disappointment two: I did have a closeup NSFW picture of Erica Campbell's flawless ass here, but I just deleted it. Sorry. :( I'll write a story about it later if you like, but for now use your imagination.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

The new "Heroes" theme song (what, it has one?).


Dallas. Starsky and Hutch. Hart to Hart. Knots Landing. What do these shows all have in common? No, not "They're all shit"; they all had their theme songs changed for French broadcasts, not always for the better (well, not for the better; I would not have thought anyone would think L'amour de risque (Hart to Hart) would be best served by a Gallic singer going "Jonathan 'art - whoaaaaa - Jennifer 'art..." but apparently someone did). To be fair it's not like English-speaking countries don't do that themselves, but there's usually a bid to make it work for the show - ask any British person of a certain age about White Horses for instance, or have a look at Secret Agent (aka Danger Man).

It happened with Prison Break on M6, with Ramin Djawadi's tense Emmy-nominated opening music changed to Faf Larage's "Pas le Temps" (a rap, I understand), and now it's happened with Heroes. TF1 (which will be screening the adventures of Claire, Niki, Hiro and the rest from June 30) arranged... well, read this translation from a French blogger:

Some months ago, Santi (artistic director of Music One, Tony Parker's label) proposed Victoria Petrosillo to record "Le Héros D'Un Autre", the French theme of the TV series Heroes, which will be aired from June 30 on... TF1.

The young singer accepted and the songs was proposed to NBC, producer of the American series. After many months, the final verdict was: NBC accepted the French theme! France will be the only country to have a different theme at the beginning and at the end of each episode. This single is also the first one of Victoria's upcoming album.

The problem is, many fans were disappointed by the song... Fabrice Sapolsky, from the magazine Comic Box, said that "The musical theme is not suitable for the audience, so TF1 is upset with the marketing of the channel for this series." Santi said that "The songs fits the series with a heroic sound"... According to him, "The audience will discover the song and those who loved will also love Heroes". Who is the artistic producer?

There's no doubt to copy the double-winner Prison Break/Faf Larage (500,000 copies sold for the French theme "Pas le temps"). (chartsinfrance.net)


On the upside, I'm not keen on these incredibly short openings that are all the rage nowadays (Lost, that means you) - and Victoria's song is more accessible to a wider audience than the atmospheric little piece Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman did. On the downside, there's nothing really WRONG with what's there now; and the song is sort of like the theme tune from ALF i.e not bad in its own right but doesn't actually go with the show - it's not like it's opening Roswell or Tru Calling. But check it out on Victoria's MySpace and decide for yourself. (And what's this about Nissan sponsoring a Heroes music video for season 2...?)

The Fri... Sa.. Sunday Debate: Is opening "Transformers" alongside "The Simpsons Movie" a wise move?

Transformers opens in the UK on July 27, as does The Simpsons Movie. The latter has the benefit of having had much more pre-release publicity (about 18 years worth) than the former, and there's also the problem of the movie itself.

I saw it on Friday night at the Empire's multimedia screening with a fellow Guardian Unlimited poster (his companion had to pull out due to boyfriend problems and I snatched up the ticket going spare) , and thus got to be searched before the feature thanks to all the security. The place was packed, and the only time I regretted having to sit way in the back was when Michael Bay came on stage with producer Lorenzo DiBonaventura and cast members Shia LaBoeuf, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel and Megan Fox, whose middle name should be legally changed to "What a", even if she seems to want to channel the spirit of Angelina Jolie. Gah; I could have thrown something at the director of The Rock and producer of The Amityville Horror. I was so close... anyway, the movie itself

a) proved yet again after The Island and Mission: Impossible III that Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman should have stuck with writing for Hercules: The Legendary Journeys;
b) was a lot more interesting when it involved Sam's life than with the Autobots and Decepticons, which is somehow not entirely right for a movie whose raison d'etre is giant robots taking their ongoing battle to Earth;
c) was an hour longer than the 1986 movie and a lot more incoherent;
d) had far too many wisecracks (a sense of humour is one thing, but for goodness' sake did Sam's parents have to be so buffoonish? And as for the Autobot "lubricating" John Turturro's Fed...);
e) had hard to follow action setpieces (apart from the Army soldiers fighting a robotic scorpion in the desert);
and f) had pretty weak music (if only Steven Spielberg had directed as well as exec produced). The end credit songs were especially crap.

All of which wasted an engaging performance from Shia LaBeouf as our human hero and the voice work from Peter "My name is Optimus Prime" Cullen (the intro got a big cheer from the audience) and the rest, plus amazing effects work from Industrial Light and Magic, Digital Domain, KNB EFX, Asylum et al. I didn't hate the movie, it just didn't fire me up or really give me any emotional investment... that ain't good. But at least the horrible Mute Math version of the TV theme that's on the song CD (which the Empire played all of, apparently, before the movie) never turns up in this movie. Here's Lion's much better take from the '86 movie for your enjoyment.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

This. Is. Just. Right.



Is this more wonderful than
a) Cheaper By The Dozen
b) Material Girls
c) The Perfect Man
d) Cheaper By The Dozen 2
e)
A Cinderella Story
f) Agent Cody Banks
or g) All of the above put together?

Answers to my email address with I Told You Hilary Duff Was More Attractive Than Lindsay Lohan in the subject field.

This. Is. Just. Wrong.

Discuss.

Monday, June 18, 2007

"The future isn't written in stone."

Dear Perez Hilton, you are crap. Love, Victor.

You might have noticed that I like Heroes in general and Hayden Panettiere in particular. You also might have noticed people seeing shots of her around bars and wielding cigarettes and so on and so forth - as opposed to falling out of cars without underwear, going to jail for drunk driving etc - and worrying/hoping she'll turn out to be the next Lindsay Lohan.

Now while we're all (well, those of us who don't get their jollies from gloating over other people's trainwrecks) agreed that this would be a bad thing, we're also leaning a bit too far to the negative side, no? Everyone always goes "Paris! Lindsay! Tara!" and if they're older "Buffy from Family Affair!" but no one ever mentions Drew Barrymore, who went way off the rails in her teen years and survived to become a much cleaner adult.

No one ever mentions Jennifer Love Hewitt, who went from being a cute teenager with a nice rack to a cute grown woman with a nice rack. (Admittedly she's never been associated with rampant excess, but neither has Hayden - we're talking about a girl who, when told she'd be dropped by Neutrogena if she was ever seen with Paris Hilton again, stopped being seen with Paris Hilton.)

No one ever mentions Alyssa Milano, who successfully did something about her nice-little-Samantha-Micelli image and remains a male favourite to this day. No one ever mentions Jodie Foster, who admittedly never seemed like a little girl even when she was a little girl. And crucially, no one ever mentions River Phoenix, who had such a clean-living public persona and turned out to... well, you know. Or Paula Abdul, whose image circa 1990 was very different to what it is now and not, to be honest, in a good way. The point is, we don't know for sure what she'll turn out to be - let's just wait and see. Not everyone people eagerly count down until they're legal turns out to be a car crash waiting to happen.

You may drool now.






P.S. Happy 16th birthday to Willa Holland, and welcome to the staff.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Coming to a CD collection near you

I'm only going to actually see one of these movies, but I do plan to get both of these albums.


It's a great relief that the CD doesn't seem to the R&B/rap-fest that was rumoured - considering the importance of underscore to The Simpsons, and with the relationship Hans Zimmer has with executive producer (and one-time guest voice) James L. Brooks, it's just as well. Kind of a shame that Alf Clausen didn't get to do the movie (Danny Elfman was never a plausible candidate, really), but what can you do? The work of Zimmer and his acolytes will be coming on Adrenaline next month.


I haven't seen any of the Harry Potter movies or read the books, but I do have all the soundtrack albums. Filling John Williams's shoes requires really big feet - let's hope this Nicholas Hooper fellow has them. Check out Soundtrack.net's First Listen to the CD.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Vacation Update.

Cindy: AlbaalbaalbaalbaALBA!!!!!!!

Feltz: Not taking a camera of my own along. Again. (Oh, and Perez Hilton giving her shit again. I hope he winds up thrown in prison one day.)

Cindy: Wanting to make some progress on "The Longest Weekend" Chapter Four and the CSSA chain story during my week off, and actually making some progress.

Feltz: I may not finish the former before Monday (I don't write on Sundays).

Cindy: Weather mostly good.

Feltz: Mostly.

Cindy: Wireless modem fitted by Sharon allows us to both be online at the same time.

Feltz: Thoughts not as fast as fingers. If that makes any sense.

Cindy:


Friday, June 15, 2007

The Friday Debate: Should Cindy Crawford Do Playboy Again?






Yes.

Well, I suppose some more debate is in order here... Just as some actresses are less bashful in front of the camera than others (we're all thankful for the Anne Hathaways and the Monica Belluccis of this world, but as I've said before it's a crying shame that we live in a time where Kathy Bates has appeared on film naked twice while Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson haven't. Yet), some models have been more happy to share what they have than others - Alessandra Ambrosio, for instance, has not posed properly nude AFAIK, whereas Diora Baird has willingly taken one for the team. Similarly, in the higher echelons of supermodeldom you've got people like Lauren Hutton still posing nude at 60 and Naomi Campbell stripping on request, and at the other extreme Claudia Schiffer not quite approaching Aishwarya "is she really going to be on Heroes?" Rai levels of chasteness, but definitely in the ballpark - you can certainly imagine her suing again if anyone ever gets her topless.

Although I'd still adore Cindy if she fell into the latter camp, it doesn't hurt that she's in the former... both print magazines (Vanity Fair, GQ) and film (Fair Game and The Simian Line) have benefitted from Cindy's charismatic corpus, but her most famous spreads were undoubtedly her layouts for Playboy. She posed in 1988 in a successful bid to increase her reach to guys (making Cindy one of the very few women to strip for the Rabbit in an attempt to boost her [admittedly already healthy at that time, though in smaller circles] career and actually boost her career) and again ten years later when she was 32; with that time coming around again, Cindy's made it clear more than once that while it would be good for her ego (and for Playboy, whose celebrity pictorials haven't been that heavy on the celebrity count lately - ex-contestants from The Apprentice? What is this, Nuts? - she won't be taking it all off for Hefner again, for two reasons:

1. Between 1998 and 2008, Cindy became a mother to two growing children and she doesn't feel that her kids (especially, presumably, Presley) need to get any hassle from people on seeing their mother naked in one of the world's most famous magazines, getting teased about having such a hot mom etc. (The fact that Kaia had her own mini-controversy modelling swimwear for Melissa Odabash can't have helped.)


2. The previous spreads were taken by her good friend and classic photographer Herb Ritts, and following his passing in 2002 she doesn't feel she'd be as safe in any other hands for such a high-profile spread.


Now, both of these arguments are entirely reasonable and understandable, especially the latter - you want to do these things with somebody with whom you feel at ease. And Playboy is hardly the only magazine Cindy's posed for; in recent years US Maxim, UK Esquire and German MAX, among others, have all made it clear that the woman gets better with age and also doesn't need to take all her clothes off to be able to show up the Sophie Howards, Michelle Marshes, Lucy Pinders and Danielle Lloyds of this world. (As illustrated in the pictures above, all of which were taken in the last two years... and one of which was this month!) Cindy really has nothing left to prove; she isn't a walking public relations disaster like Naomi Campbell, nor is she in danger of going off the rails.

And as for point number one, they say that children give you new priorities. But this also brings up the question of her previous layouts - Cindy's not a stupid person, and she surely knows that the possibility of people "researching" her other work for Presley cannot be ruled out (not to mention the press reports of her lapdance in St. Tropez, etc.) And that's assuming he doesn't already know... and if you're being rude to paparazzi at a young age, like he's been known to be, then he probably does. On the other hand, it's highly unlikely that Pres is going to go up to Cindy and say "Mom, I don't mind you posing naked" - how many boys say stuff like that to their mothers? Better not add any more fuel to that fire.

So I'll just say that I'm happy for Cindy to continue to do magazine layouts of the tastefully hot variety. But I'll also say that if she is persuaded to change her mind and strip off at 42, there will be no complaints from this corner. Or from the corners of a lot of men who were teens in the 1980s. Or the 1990s. Or, in some cases, the 2000s.

The Alpha for the Omega.

Cindy's latest bit of business for Omega saw her going to Australia, and while you could fill a book with the list of commercial endorsements she's done that still isn't a problem with me. At all.

But anyone who compares this angel to Janice Dickinson should be forbidden to breed at the very least.

It's really tempting to use this to go into a post about how she > Kate Moss as much now as she did in the 1990s, but I won't. For more reactions and pictures, try this link. And that reminds me - I have to check out the new Ocean Drive as well, and try and decide whether or not I'd be delighted or disappointed should Cindy ever decide to change her mind and pose for Playboy again next year (she said it would be good for her 41-year-old ego, but on the other hand she's got other priorities now - and I genuinely respect that). More on this next post.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Thursday afternoon.

What can be learned from Bring It On: All Or Nothing?

1. That cheerleading routines aren't as thrilling for straight-to-DVD movies as they are for cinema releases.
2. That casting 17-year-old Hayden Panettiere and 25-year-old Marcy Rylan as teenagers is a mistake in the case of the latter.
3. That swapping amusing satire of sports for all-too-predictable clashes of culture does nobody any favours.
4. That Danielle Savre was also in this before Heroes.
5. That in a school that, despite being predominantly black-attended, has a multiracial and dual-sex cheerleading squad, having the captain give our heroine a colour-based hard time makes almost no sense.
6. That Hayden's looks and acting make this more bearable than it otherwise would be.
7. That both she and Solange "Haylie to Beyonce's Hilary" Knowles-Smith sing better than Rihanna.

8. That the end credits get Hayden's surname wrong in the cast list...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Jessica Alba smiled at me!

First off, the world premiere of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer in London last night suffered from several prannies on podiums in very tight silver bodysuits doing all manner of gymnastics for us outside the Vue West End. I don't know why. Not to mention a lack of people going in who I might have heard of, although the autograph hound in the crowd next to me did get the signature of a redheaded American woman going in who he later told me was Kate Walsh from Grey's Anatomy (and its spinoff Private Practice). If I watched the show I'd have been more impressed.

But it was nice to see Radio 1's Edith Bowman as one of the folks from the world media reporting on the blue carpet (not red); sadly she never came down our way so I could compliment her on how the wind blew her dress into her bottom (or at least say hi). Also, I got here a lot earlier than last time so I got a good view, and also brought The Complete Mission: Impossible Dossier with me to pass most of the six hours until showtime. And it didn't rain at all this time... if I'd brought a chair, a camera, and ESP so I wouldn't have to be in front of a tosser who kept wanting to see Michael Chiklis (apparently he's a mate of his), it would have been perfect.

Anyway, cue the folks yelling for "IOAN!!!" (one woman behind me kept demanding a kiss - I doubt she got it), "CHRIS!!!" (in sunshades, like a good showoff) "TIM STORY!!!" "MICHAEL!!!!" and of course "JESSICAAAA!!!"






Ignore the dried-up jealous haters and whipped/tasteless men on certain blogs - the Alba is better-looking in real life than in pictures; I just want to lick her from head to toe, I do. And I also want to thank the fellow on the carpet who, following the first round of signings before Jessica went to talk to the folks from GMTV, TVE, Entertainment Tonight etc., noticed my urgent calls for her to come over to my part of the crowd and escorted her over to us as soon as she was finished (he's the man next to her in the picture underneath)! Top man, sir.


Jessica's signature is now on my copy of the Fantastic Four score CD booklet (thanks to the organizers for playing some of John Ottman's sequel score over the speakers - much more welcome than the gymnasts), and by now you're asking if I managed to touch her like last time. Well, I did try... and missed her, in the words of Maxwell Smart, by that much.


But I did manage to say something to her this time around (a simple thank you), and I didn't pick up what she said... but she noticed my gesture. And for a few brief seconds, we were looking at each other. (Yes, it is sad. I don't care.) And she smiled at me!


The bloke with her definitely seemed to understand where I was coming from, which helped. But the thing is, Jessica Alba smiled at me! And having that dusky-coloured vision with almond eyes smiling at you is the stuff fantasies are made of, believe you me.

Once I've gotten my own cameraphone or digital camera or what have you, I'll be one step closer to being immortalized alongside one of the highest-ranking members of my staff. But until then, and with many, many, many thanks to Michael - otherwise known as TheArchivist - for making this possible, I leave you with this...

Butch, I own you.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

And now, a completely gratuitous shot of Katharine McPhee.

...weep as did Alexander when he beheld the glories of Egypt. - Gene Roddenberry in a letter to Star Trek associate producer Robert H. Justman.
DAYUM. That is one great ass. - TheArchivist in a message to me.

John from Cincinnati - or Welcome back, Dylan Sanders.

One of the greatest TV shows in history has come to an end. But enough about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, on to The Sopranos - specifically, the show HBO premiered around the time David Chase's creation finally ended (to no real tears from this corner; the series never truly had me as a fan, thanks to my not really warming to anyone in it - Six Feet Under is the real HBO masterwork from my point of view). John from Cincinnati is a show about a surfer dude, it says here, from Deadwood's David Milch... Deadwood being another show that suffered from a lack of engagement on my part. But soft! HBO very kindly lets folks who aren't in the US see the first episode online (even though it's a sure bet this'll turn up in the UK, as most HBO shows do... well, the dramas anyway), and for some reason Luke Perry's in it.

More interestingly, so's Rebecca DeMornay. Rebecca "Risky Business" DeMornay. Rebecca "engineer in the best Cannon movie ever, Runaway Train" DeMornay. Rebecca "psycho nanny" DeMornay. Rebecca "still totally hot and killed off way too soon in Identity" DeMornay. But why is she cast as a grandmother? Way to remind me of my age... still, it is so good to have her back that I'll watch it for her. Regardless of potentially unlikeable characters.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Random irritation time.

The next issue of Playboy (after the one Booch raced down to Borders to get what with Amanda Beard being in it) features a birthday-suit-clad Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon (NYPD Blue, Lindsay Lohan's forthcoming I Know Who Killed Me and a lot of TV shows that weren't shown in the UK like The Jamie Foxx Show, were shortlived like Eyes, or were both like The Opposite Sex and Models, Inc.). It's not her nudity that inspired this post, as I'm not interested in her really - it's that a post on BlackSista.com railed about her doing it, about how this almost never really boosts careers (which is true, and to their credit the blog pointed out it applies to white women as much as blacks - for every Pamela Anderson, Marilyn Monroe or Kim Basinger whose career was definitely given a major legup, there's a lot more than one Mercedes McNab or Gena Lee Nolin), how they make black women look bad (citing Robin Givens and Stacey Dash) and... er, I mean how they make Black women look bad, which is the term they used and bringing me to what really inspired this post.

The damn capitals.

Calling someone Black instead of black was a pin in my side years ago with Ebony and Jet, and times haven't changed. Okay, so the terminology is supposed to be signifying strength and meaning, but isn't that being divisive? Whites calling themselves Whites is fucking annoying, and so is this; it's not like there's a country called Black somewhere. That's one reason I stopped checking out black-obsessed papers, media, or whatever... it ain't helping, people.

Of course, there's another problem with this - it's that it isn't Gabrielle Union stripping off. Then I'd be a lot more interested, and this post would be a lot happier.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Saturday - hot, not hungry, and the dog won't shut up.



The first purchases of new US shows for the UK were announced last week, and they've been bagged by ITV. This is a conditional Feltz thanks to ITV's long history of fucking up US shows... anyway, they've got Pushing Daisies (one of the few I can really get worked up about; I just hope it's more successful than Anna Friel's last US show The Jury), Swingtown and Cane, and aim to have all three on their digital channels (Pushing Daisies on ITV2 and the other two on ITV3) with the first two getting airings on ITV1 as well. The thing is, they said that last year about Six Degrees, and we all know how that turned out. Plus... well...

Supernatural - 9 or 10 on ITV2, around 11 if it's on ITV1.
Numb3rs - ditto on ITV3, ditto on ITV1.
The Inside - late on ITV4, never on ITV1. (Admittedly it didn't really deserve any better.)
Friday Night Lights - 8pm on ITV4, never on ITV1.
Surface - early evenings on ITV2, Saturday afternoons on ITV1 (and terrestrial didn't even complete it).
Entourage - late on all its ITV channels.

And so on. And they got Law & Order: Trial By Jury (the only Law & Order series to be a flop). Way to go, ITV. Still, they have to come up trumps sometime.
What do two members of my staff (including Queen Cindy) and Ali Larter have to do with it? Well... um... nothing. (Although ITV back when they were still genuinely regionalised did show Cindy's Fox special about stuntwomen, which I still have on tape off Carlton's airing; and I think they screened Varsity Blues... and Hayden was definitely on This Morning when she came here to promote Racing Stripes. See, I can link anything!)

Rules of Engagement

Having checked this out on Paramount Comedy, I think this show stays on the air for one or more of the following reasons:

1. People hoping that Adam Sandler will show up since this is made by Happy Madison Productions.

2. Folks hoping Patrick Warburton and David Spade will recapture that Emperor's New Groove chemistry.

3. Guys who've been waiting for another chance to drool over Bianca Kajlich and/or Megyn Price ever since the mercy killings of Rock Me Baby and Grounded For Life. (Marla Sokoloff > Bianca > Megyn - and you know, Big Day's been chopped now...)

4. Because it's incredibly witty and funny and original... no, that was a joke.


For some true entertainment, my Cindy in Venice and below in the best part of The Simian Line.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

...and Cindy at the "Ocean's 13" premiere.

Not like this, unfortunately.




With Sharon's money worries permeating myself as well, and with my complete failure to care about Jericho getting a mini-reprieve and Prison Break being poached by Sky (and by "poached" I mean "being willing to pay a higher price than Five was" - it's called business, people. Deal with it), I need something to cheer me up.









Mission accomplished. And not in the George W. Bush sense, the actual sense. Having detested the first movie and taken my leave of Sharon when she put on the secon, wild horses could not get me to see the third one. But Cindy could if she was in it.


The end.

Cindy at Friends of the Family...


Wow, thanks a LOT.

Anyone who's seen all of Volume One will understand my reaction...

Which Heroes character are you?
Your Result: Issac Mendez
 

You are Issac Mendez. Your paintings can tell the future. You used to have to take drugs in order for this to work, but you recently found out how to do it sober. You are intent on saving the NYC from a future you painted, but you are unsure of how to do so.

Nathan Petrelli
 
Peter Petrelli
 
Matt Parkman
 
Hiro Nakamura
 
Claire Bennet
 
Sylar
 
Niki Sanders
 
Which Heroes character are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Rock rock rock, the telephone rock...

Phones.

Wonderful inventions, aren't they?

Unless you're trying to sleep, and the rings jerk you awake constantly. Especially when the sound of phones ringing incessantly is one of your many, many pet hates and you race out of bed to answer it. Even when Sharon is out in the front room and can answer it. And does. (Which is only fair, since most of the calls to this place are for her anyway.) I link this to my constantly being on the alert for bad news... maybe so it'll reduce the impact if I get any.

Here's a Cindy spot on The Cindy Spot to cheer you up.

Erica Campbell is better than the 2012 London Olympics logo. Discuss.



I realise that for a more balanced discussion I should have uploaded the official 2012 London Olympics logo as unveiled yesterday, but it's hideous (as one wag memorably described it, it looks like Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob). Even if I didn't think "sport" was a four-letter word I wouldn't desecrate this blog with a picture of it. Or a link to it; Google is your friend.




In any case, you'd rather look at or think about Erica. Trust me. And yes, there are more pictures in this set, but being Erica Campbell most of them are SFW in much the same way that Jerry Bruckheimer is poor.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

The FHM 95 (not 100, not yet)

Since every country's FHM list is different, you can't have one be proclaimed the ultimate; which is why I decided to try and compile one massive Sexiest Women in the World list based on their votes. This is based on the five complete lists I've managed to get so far (UK, USA, Australia, France and Germany) - if anyone can get me the rest of the various 100s so I can update it that would be fabulous.

But first, a few notes:
1. Points are determined according to their positions on the various lists (a #1 placing gets 100 points, a #2 gets 99 and so on). In the event of a tie with the totals, the highest position on any list determines who comes in higher. (If there's another tie even with that, it comes down to alphabetical order.)
2. Anyone who only appears on one country's list is discounted. You have to be on at least two, since this is an international list. The more lists, the more people and therefore the more points.
3. Er... that's it.

And now, without further ado...

1. Jessica Alba (496 points, highest position 1 on UK/US/Germany lists)
2. Scarlett Johansson (485, 2 Aus)
3. Eva Longoria (432, 2 France)
4. Angelina Jolie (413, 2 Germany)
5. Keeley Hazell (389, 1 Aus)
6. Keira Knightley (373, 9 US)
7. Christina Aguilera (352, 8 France)
8. Elisha Cuthbert (340, 10 UK)
9. Jessica Biel (334, 7 UK)
10. Beyonce Knowles (328, 17 France)
11. Carmen Electra (309, 22 UK)
12. Lindsay Lohan (305, 30 UK)
13. Eva Mendes (304, 11 UK)
14. Halle Berry (301, 14 France)
15. Alyssa Milano (295, 17 Germany)
16. Jessica Simpson (294, 14 Germany)
17. Adriana Lima (268, 4 UK)
18. Jennifer Love Hewitt (268, 14 US)
19. Kate Beckinsale (263, 13 US)
20. Evangeline Lilly (259, 13 UK)
21. Cameron Diaz (258, 20 UK)
22. Shakira (256, 7 Germany)
23. Nicole Scherzinger (253, 22 UK)
24. Charlize Theron (249, 18 Germany)
25. Gisele Bundchen (226, 4 US)
26. Maria Sharapova (226, 11 US)
27. Jennifer Aniston (216, 16 Germany)
28. Eva Green (213, 19 Aus)
29. Jennifer Lopez (197, 20 Germany)
30. Ali Larter (192, 8 Aus)
31. Nelly Furtado (188, 5 Germany)
32. Emily Scott (188, 9 UK)
33. Avril Lavigne (188, 29 UK)
34. Rihanna (184, 17 Aus)
35. Natalie Portman (183, 31 US)
36. Kirsten Dunst (181, 23 France)
37. Kate Moss (180, 31 Germany)
38. Alessandra Ambrosio (178, 5 US)
39. Hayden Panettiere (176, 6 UK)
40. Rachel Bilson (170, 34 UK)
41. Victoria Silvstedt (164, 40 Aus)
42. Sienna Miller (160, 11 Aus)
43. Britney Spears (154, 26 Germany)
44. Abigail Clancy (153, 12 Aus)
45. Jaime Pressly (149, 15 Aus)
46. Penelope Cruz (146, 38 US)
47. Heidi Klum (145, 11 Germany)
48. Katherine Heigl (138, 32 US)
49. Holly Valance (136, 18 Aus)
50. Paris Hilton (134, 19 Germany)
51. Jenna Jameson (134, 37 US)
52. Kristin Kreuk (134, 45 Germany)
53. Mischa Barton (127, 25 Germany)
54. Hilary Duff (124, 62 UK/US)
55. Clara Morgane (122, 13 France)
56. Salma Hayek (120, 18 US)
57. Rachel McAdams (120, 34 US)
58. Jennifer Garner (119, 53 US)
59. Tera Patrick (116, 59 US)
60. Megan Fox (114, 23 Aus)
61. Brooke Burke (114, 33 US)
62. Melissa Theuriau (113, 1 France)
63. Tara Reid (112, 12 Germany)
64. Pamela Anderson (112, 64 US)
65. Reese Witherspoon (111, 42 Germany)
66. Vida Guerra (107, 23 US)
67. Diora Baird (101, 25 Aus)
68. Kelly Carlson (100, 50 Aus)
69. Sarah Michelle Gellar (97, 51 France)
70. Gemma Atkinson (94, 16 Aus)
71. Gwen Stefani (91, 58 US)
72. Mariah Carey (86, 45 US)
73. Vanessa Marcil (85, 55 US)
74. Petra Nemcova (85, 57 US)
75. Kate Middleton (79, 25 UK)
76. Stacy Ferguson (79, 44 US)
77. Ana Beatriz Barros (70, 51 UK)
78. Lucy Liu (68, 52 US)
79. Kristin Cavallari (63, 48 US)
80. Tricia Helfer (60, 63 US)
81. Joanna Krupa (60, 66 Aus)
82. Kari Byron (59, 54 Aus)
83. Josie Maran (53, 63 Aus)
84. Teri Hatcher (53, 73 US)
85. Jennifer Ellison (51, 64 Aus)

86. Dita von Teese (51, 65 France)
87. Elizabeth Hurley (51, 70 US)
88. Cassie (43, 69 France)
89. Nikki Sanderson (42, 72 UK)
90. Pink (41, 64 Germany)
91. Uma Thurman (31, 83 US)
92. Kate Hudson (30, 82 Aus)
93. Sophia Bush (23, 89 US)
94. Christina Milian (12, 93 Germany)
95. Naomi Watts (12, 93 US)

What does this teach us?

1. Nicole Scherzinger defines being honoured more abroad than at home; had she made it to the US 100 (as she did with the other lists included here) she'd have come even higher.
2. Hayden Panettiere would undoubtedly have come even higher were she 18 (she remains the youngest person to get into something like this).
3. It helps to be on an American TV show; among the one-list vote-getters are Without a Trace's Roselyn Sanchez (Germany) and Prison Break's Robin Tunney (France).
4. UK FHM's attempts to persuade readers that millions the world over voted for their models and Girls Aloud are flawed.
5. Katharine McPhee hasn't exported yet.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I'm tired.

It's been a very rough week, and I want to get some rest and get back to H2O: Just Add Water (in more or less that order). But first I have to go and get some clingfilm if the shops are still open, and I really don't want to get up.

And I also want to know why the guy who came in after me at the barbers' got his hair seen to before me. I hope it wasn't a race thing. Or an age thing. (Still, my walking out meant that if Sharon asked me if I'd gone to a black barber I wouldn't have lied.)

That's the daily post, you can fall asleep now. But thanks to Tom for the heads-up about those essays about Veronica Mars - when Trouble finishes season three I'll see if I can pick up the book. And thanks to the Disney Channel for the High School Musical 2 sneak peek next Saturday... more Vanessa action, more Ashley action, more Oleysa action - more Corbin action, but you gotta take the rough with the smooth.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Pinch punch


...and no returns. :)

With June comes Big Brother's return, so that's one more thing for me to avoid on TV. Speaking of which, as I always do and likely always will do (one of the good things about Bridge to Terabithia is that the non-TV-having Leslie wasn't portrayed as being unspeakably smug, although I do long for something that points out it is possible to be led astray by books), why is it that movies and TV shows are prone to being pulled due to links with real life incidents? They get rescheduled, but does that mean the people most likely to be affected deeply won't be upset by that time? I doubt it. There ain't no time limit for grief, people.
Short post, but I want to take a page from Mike's book (er, blog) and post something every day this month.